The next day I invited Mitchell over. Nothing too much happened, given that he knew I was still upset over Edan and I had told him I wasn't sure I wanted to move on yet. As he was leaving we were standing at the door, and he quickly lent in and gave me a kiss. I was a little flabbergasted as I wasn't really expecting it. I shut the door and had quite the smile on my face. I was half way returning up the hall when I heard the doorbell ring again. Puzzled, I opened the front door to Mitchell again.
"I realise how awkward this is right now because I just kissed you, but I left my sunglasses here." I laughed and handed them back to him, and with another peck on the lips he was gone.
Now I seemed to most definately be in quite the pickle. There was Dylan, who was much more attractive, was at uni, had a job, but also had a girlfriend... Then there was Mitchell who lived closer and really seemed to like me, and didn't have a girlfriend.
Later that day, Dylan skipped a class at uni and came over. What happened after that was a day I'd never forget.
-Endrin-
Thursday, 3 January 2008
When I Met Dylan
It was two months after Edan and I had broken up and I was still very depressed. I had been keeping an elastic hair tie on my wrist which I snapped (metal part right on the vein) every time I thought about him. Surprisingly it worked very well. Though with the amount of times i had to snap it I'm surprised I can still write with all the spasms it used to cause.
It was a Saturday afternoon when I anxiously awaited Dylan's arrival. Dylan was a friend of a friend from another school who got us talking over the internet. We hit it off very well at first, well before the days of Edan but we fell out of contact for about 9 months and had recently gotten back in touch. We originally were going to go on a date, but over time I had been through my issues with Edan and he was now in a six month relationship. He was coming over to teach me some guitar lessons which was very exciting.
I saw him wandering around in the apartment block next to mine, so I strolled down stairs to collect him. He was an attractive young man, 18 in his first year of university, a quality I found very attractive. He had grey eyes and a dashing big smile. Though his hair could've used some work. It was all slicked back in what I thought was a very failed attempt to look like Dracula.
He tried to teach me a few bits of songs, though I was admittedly pretty hopeless. Dad went out for the afternoon so we put on a video of a comedy gala I had taped on tv. The ads came on so Dylan picked up to the remote to fast forward them. As he put his hand back down, his pinky finger was stretched over mine. I figured it must've just been an accident and thought nothing of it. However with each ad break his hand become more and more on top of mine. On the inside I was petrified. There was a taken boy holding my hand. In my peripheral vision I could see him turn and look at me for quite a few seconds. I had no idea what to do! He was certainly attractive but he was also spoken for.
After he had gone home, I spoke to him about what had happened. He said some corny line like "well I was sitting next to such a beautiful woman, how could I not have helped myself?" I explained to him that I wasn't sure I was ready to move on but he said he would wait. I had no idea what I was in for and felt way over my head. Especially when another friend of mine, Mitchell decided to profess his interest in me. This was going to be a melodramatic few weeks...
-Endrin-
It was a Saturday afternoon when I anxiously awaited Dylan's arrival. Dylan was a friend of a friend from another school who got us talking over the internet. We hit it off very well at first, well before the days of Edan but we fell out of contact for about 9 months and had recently gotten back in touch. We originally were going to go on a date, but over time I had been through my issues with Edan and he was now in a six month relationship. He was coming over to teach me some guitar lessons which was very exciting.
I saw him wandering around in the apartment block next to mine, so I strolled down stairs to collect him. He was an attractive young man, 18 in his first year of university, a quality I found very attractive. He had grey eyes and a dashing big smile. Though his hair could've used some work. It was all slicked back in what I thought was a very failed attempt to look like Dracula.
He tried to teach me a few bits of songs, though I was admittedly pretty hopeless. Dad went out for the afternoon so we put on a video of a comedy gala I had taped on tv. The ads came on so Dylan picked up to the remote to fast forward them. As he put his hand back down, his pinky finger was stretched over mine. I figured it must've just been an accident and thought nothing of it. However with each ad break his hand become more and more on top of mine. On the inside I was petrified. There was a taken boy holding my hand. In my peripheral vision I could see him turn and look at me for quite a few seconds. I had no idea what to do! He was certainly attractive but he was also spoken for.
After he had gone home, I spoke to him about what had happened. He said some corny line like "well I was sitting next to such a beautiful woman, how could I not have helped myself?" I explained to him that I wasn't sure I was ready to move on but he said he would wait. I had no idea what I was in for and felt way over my head. Especially when another friend of mine, Mitchell decided to profess his interest in me. This was going to be a melodramatic few weeks...
-Endrin-
My Religion and First Break Up
Again, this has been a completely unacceptable long period since my last post but I had a lot of drama I needed to deal with. Back on board this time guys :)
Not too many weeks after Edan had come to see me I noticed him becoming distant. He also spoke of discussing my religion with a co-worker and how this co-worker had told him that I was a bad person and used tools of the devil. These stupid tales of ignorance turned my boyfriend into a born again Christian, quite possibly the worst kinds of Christian. Edan claimed his friend got this information because of a dream of Edan in a white boarded house which meant he knew somebody using evil. For the record, Wicca is not evil nor any relation to the devil, nor does dreaming of a white boarded house have anything to do with Satan and his followers. I learnt this because Google is my friend. I was absolutely petrified of losing Edan, so much so that I foolishly told him I had given up my faith as a Wiccan so I could be with him. Still, he continued to be distant. I could smell a break up coming, but I wanted to leave my first relationship with my dignity so I told him it was over. I can't think of a time where I have stood up for myself and honoured myself more. I was also heartbroken. He said that it wasn't what he wanted, but it was obviously a lie. He was just too scared to do it himself. I still count it as him breaking up with me given how he was acting - the same every man does before they leave a girl. The calls are quieter, the text messages less frequent, and the poor excuse of "oh I just don't have much to say..."
I just had to beat him to it.
I now had another problem. In pretending to give up my faith, I felt like I actually had. I was very confused about what I did believe. It plagued my mind during school and I sheepishly had to ask the librarian if I could use the chapel. I got a raised eyebrow and was questioned why I wanted to go, as there had been many sightings of lesbians making out there. under my breath I said "Sir, I'm having a crisis of faith..." he quickly opened the door for myself and my friend. We lay there quietly, heads on fluffy pillows, looking at the ceiling of the school chapel. I felt very tranqil, though had no idea what I was hoping to find. I think it was the first time I had sat back and really thought about "the big picture". What did I believe anymore?
For the record, I did manage to find my faith again after a few months in the religion I truly belong to; Wicca. The moral of the story is never give up your faith, or any part of who you are for a man. To some it is a very obvious answer, to others, perhaps not. But in the end no man is worth questioning your own identity over.
-Endrin-
Not too many weeks after Edan had come to see me I noticed him becoming distant. He also spoke of discussing my religion with a co-worker and how this co-worker had told him that I was a bad person and used tools of the devil. These stupid tales of ignorance turned my boyfriend into a born again Christian, quite possibly the worst kinds of Christian. Edan claimed his friend got this information because of a dream of Edan in a white boarded house which meant he knew somebody using evil. For the record, Wicca is not evil nor any relation to the devil, nor does dreaming of a white boarded house have anything to do with Satan and his followers. I learnt this because Google is my friend. I was absolutely petrified of losing Edan, so much so that I foolishly told him I had given up my faith as a Wiccan so I could be with him. Still, he continued to be distant. I could smell a break up coming, but I wanted to leave my first relationship with my dignity so I told him it was over. I can't think of a time where I have stood up for myself and honoured myself more. I was also heartbroken. He said that it wasn't what he wanted, but it was obviously a lie. He was just too scared to do it himself. I still count it as him breaking up with me given how he was acting - the same every man does before they leave a girl. The calls are quieter, the text messages less frequent, and the poor excuse of "oh I just don't have much to say..."
I just had to beat him to it.
I now had another problem. In pretending to give up my faith, I felt like I actually had. I was very confused about what I did believe. It plagued my mind during school and I sheepishly had to ask the librarian if I could use the chapel. I got a raised eyebrow and was questioned why I wanted to go, as there had been many sightings of lesbians making out there. under my breath I said "Sir, I'm having a crisis of faith..." he quickly opened the door for myself and my friend. We lay there quietly, heads on fluffy pillows, looking at the ceiling of the school chapel. I felt very tranqil, though had no idea what I was hoping to find. I think it was the first time I had sat back and really thought about "the big picture". What did I believe anymore?
For the record, I did manage to find my faith again after a few months in the religion I truly belong to; Wicca. The moral of the story is never give up your faith, or any part of who you are for a man. To some it is a very obvious answer, to others, perhaps not. But in the end no man is worth questioning your own identity over.
-Endrin-
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