The Whimsical Sexcapades of Endrin

Introducing Darian

2010-03-17T01:02:00.000+11:00

First and foremost my SINCERE apologies for those who have been following, I realise it has been a rediculously long between between posts but life just gets in the way. Will be doing my best to get back on track.

-

A school friend of mine was about to meet up with a friend whom she had met on the internet. Given I had met quite a few net friends, she begged and pleaded for me to go with her in case she got hacked to pieces. I felt a little odd, going with her to meet someone I had never spoken to so the night beforehand I spoke to this random net guy she was going to meet. This random net guy was Darian. I had previously read some online journals of Darian's, various tales of exploits and general havoc he had wreaked, especially those on some women who "deserved it." Whilst funny, this did not exactly earn him brownie points in my book being a reformed lesbian and all.

After chatting for some time, I found Darian to not only be ridiculously charming, but bursting at the seams with charisma and a fantastic sense of humour. I went to bed actually looking forward to meeting this guy.

The next day my anxious friend and I sat at Circulay Quay and awaited her "online murderer" to arrive. I felt almost overwhelmed as he approached. Having spent a lot of my time around geeky boys my own age this young man was a bit older, taller and wore a smile would make your legs quiver. He walked with such confidence, striding towards us. He was most definately one of the most attractive men I had ever laid my eyes upon. He sat down opposite me and I could barely squeak out a hello. I was dissapointed to see that he wore a cap to hide his helmet hair, casting a shadow over his beautifully sculpted face and glistening eyes.

We all got talking and Darian and I clicked very well. I was quite excited to meet someone who had such an interest in sex like myself. Not just doing it, but the research, the methods, the pyschology, the biology, you name it. I had finally found someone of equal intellect to talk to about such matters. He had the most infectious laugh which was very endearing, I could feel the attraction growing.

The time came for us to part ways and my friend and I ventured home. That evening I sat down to my computer and to my pleasant suprise, found Darian online. We began to chat and established that there was definately an undeniable connection between us. I was amazed to find that the attraction was mutual, I felt he was far too attractive for me to even blip on his radar. Neither of us were in a position to persue a relationship but we definitely wanted to have some fun. I felt quite intimidated to be intimate with him, he had been with many more partners than I. Twenty four more to be exact. Despite this, Darian also felt quite nervous to meet up with me again also.

The next thing I knew, I was waiting at a pub opposite a hotel in my local area with one of my fiends knocking back a few liquors to ease the nerves. I peered out the window at the hotel adjacent, knowing there was a reserved room under my name. I constantly checked my watch for the time, awaiting his arrival.

Tonight was going to be interesting.

-Endrin-

My Friend's Formal

2008-10-09T08:56:00.000+11:00

Over time, Mitchell and I moved passed what had happened between us and had become good friends. As such, he invited me to his school formal given he didn't have any ladies coming at him for dates (and I knew why..).
It wasn't my own formal, so I just chucked on my old formal dress, spun up my hair and painted on a touch of make up. The actual formal itself was terrible and we probably stayed all of an hour. Mitchell, myself, and quite a few of his school friends had chipped in some money to stay in a nice apartment in the city to get wasted in afterwards, so the party kicked off early.
Mitchell's friends were a lot of fun. I was sitting at the head of the table whilst his friend Tim poured all the dregs of god knows what mixes of drinks into a glass and slide it over to me.
"Drink it!" He grinned.
"I shouldn't, I'm on antibiotics.."
"Come ooon.."
"Okay." I gave in quite easily and was moderately smashed within a few short hours. Throughout the evening, a girl had caught my attention. Sadly, it was not often I was around other sexy (or even non sexy) goth chicks so I was fascinated by her. I watched as she frequently went outside to "make up" with her best friend whom she had apparently been arguing with. I peered out the window to see their silhouettes on the balcony. Her bold curls swayed gently as her hands caressed the sides of her friend's corset, moving up to her face every so often. It was almost majestic to see these two Victorian looking women embracing each other in a kiss.
They came back inside and more drinking ensued. Her friend had gone home and our friends were getting louder and louder. I was mid conversation when I overheard her say "I can undo a bra with my teeth!" The room quietened a little. She spoke a little louder "Is anyone wearing a bra?"
"I'm wearing a bra!" Tim exclaimed. I peered down at my dress and was quite disappointed that I in fact was not wearing a bra that could be removed by a cute girl with her teeth. I unfortunately could not give that comment my full attention, as other friend's were too busy shoving a bottle in my cleavage so I could display one of many party tricks involving me drinking Ruski's from my boobs.
Later on, I spoke to this cute, clearly bisexual young woman. Her name was Bree and was Mitchell's ex girlfriend from a few years ago. She told me how she was bisexual, but her friend Tasha would only kiss her, not let her go below the waist. Bree had always desired to taste a woman for a full girl on girl experience.
Suddenly, my night was looking even better.
I had told her about my previous experience with a woman and she became a lot more interested in me. Long story short, we kissed. And we kissed again. As you would expect, all the boys at the party went crazy, but we weren't concerned. We continued to kiss on the couch, her hands slowly feeling my breasts and moved them up and down my body, just as she had done to Tasha. She was a gentle kisser, one of the many benefits of making out with a woman. Bree had a tongue ring which I found very sexy. Every so often it would roll around my tongue and I couldn't help fantasising about how amazing it would feel rolling around on my other lips.
Bree and I tried to subtly move to the bedroom but of course it caused every boy to turn their heads. We quickly ran and tried to slam the door but Tim had somehow tried to worm his way in. He shuffled and sat on top of the desk opposite the bed. We yelled at him to get out.
"I'm a lampshade!" He shouted. Bree retaliated by hurling a bible at his head which quickly got him out. We somehow figured out how to lock the door and drew the blinds as much as we could.
"Where were we.." she said as I lay myself down under the sheets. We continued to kiss, rolling this way and that between those freshly pressed hotel sheets. As it always seems to happen, I was naked before she was. I removed her top and looked at her breasts, they looked perfect. Soft, supple breasts waiting for me to touch them. I began to caress them, nibbling at her ear and hearing her soft, feminine moan. I gently ran my lips down her neck, gently biting her. Her chest heaved as she breathed in deeply. I circled my tongue around her soft nipple, taking it all in my mouth. My hand slid over her smooth stomach and my fingertips gently probed the top of her underwear. She quickly removed them and my finger slid between her lips. It felt good to feel how wet I had made her. I could hear Tim's voice, and looked over at the window to see him and someone else try to commando roll passed the windows to get a sneak peak into the room. We chucked and she moved on top of me. She bit my neck as she squeezed my breasts, her long curls curtaining our faces. She slowly made her way down my body. I loved that this would be her first time to be completely with a woman. I sat up so I could look at her face as she placed her lips on mine. Her warm tongue lapped at my clit and it felt amazing. Now I knew why people got tongue rings! The rounded warm metal felt amazing as it lifted up my hood and went straight onto my clit, her warm lips caressing me around it. I lay there in ecstasy feeling this amazing mixture of woman and metal surrounding my clit. Her hands grasped my hips as my upper body moved up and down as I breathed heavily. She moved back up my body to kiss me, I could taste myself on her lips. We continued to kiss, forgetting other people were somewhere in the apartment. We were brought back to reality when we again looked out the window to see people climbing over onto our balcony to try to get a look.
"..Who are they?" I asked Bree.
"I..Don't know...They're not from our room!" She replied. People from surrounding parties had heard what was going on and wanted to get a look for themselves.
Before they could indulge their fantasies, we decided to return the party.
I most definitely now could understand all the rage for tongue rings. I hoped it wasn't my last experience with one, and it wasn't..

-Endrin-

Sex VS Spirituality Part I

2008-08-21T09:05:00.001+10:00

The night Dylan and I broke up, I happened to meet someone online named Jacob. We chatted for two or three weeks and I found him to be quite fascinating. For the life of me I couldn't remember what religion he was, but it was a religion that honoured vows of celibacy. He earned my respect when he told me he was a virgin as he was upholding his beliefs. He was however, an absolute kissing slut. Oddly enough, he had never performed oral on a woman before due to "lack of opportunity". He was also very "boy", not something I was used to. So he'd sway from seeming sweet to acting like a prick which was to my understanding what normal boys did. He had made his attractions to me clear but I remained cryptic as I had not long parted ways with Dylan.
The day we met we drove around for a while talking. There was no denying that we got along really well. We set off to go rock climbing but unfortunately we couldn't find the indoor rock climbing centre so we headed back to my place.

Big mistake.

As it always seems to happen, we kissed. Oh how we kissed. Not long afterwards he pushed me down on the couch and thrust his fingers up my skirt. I was slightly displeased, but didn't stop what was happening even though I wasn't 100% comfortable with it. Before I knew what was going on he wriggled down my body and pulled down my skirt and began lapping away at me. I say lapping because thats essentially all he was doing. It was like watching a dog lick the scraps off his plate after finishing his meal. I didn't want to embarass him as it was his first time licking up a woman, so I just let him have at it for a while whilst I lay and thought about other things more exciting, like paint drying. He came back up and whispered to me.
"Do you have any condoms?"
I was absolutely shocked. The idea of sex with anyone besides Dylan seemed frightening. I also didn't want him to regret it later given his celibacy.
"Yes, but we can't." I replied. "You're celibate." He agreed it was probably for the best and we spent the remainder of the afternoon having superficial conversations.
Thinking I had saved him ruining himself for his God was wrong. He did that himself when a month later he cheated on his girlfriend with some skank from work and fucked her like a muel. But at least I felt I had done the right thing.

Unfortunately, this was the start of unfinished business with Jacob.

-Endrin-

My Formal

2008-06-25T10:26:00.000+10:00

The formal is a big big deal for high school girls. Or depending on what part of the world you are from, better known as "the prom". It's more or less the closest thing we get to planning our wedding at a young age. There's the make up, the hair, the dress, the shoes, the bag, the car and of course - the man.
Dylan being the tightarse that he was, did not want to get a car, so I arrived through the back way into my formal in a Mitsubishi Verada. The formal itself was quite enjoyable, though due to the general stuffiness of my school friends there was no after party. So Dylan and I decided to make our own.
Now my mother is not a conventional mother by any means. Lets just say, my sex drive was hereditary. I told my mother about the plans I wanted to have after the formal.
"Don't get a hotel, I'll set up my place! I'll go stay at my boyfriend's place! I'll get you champagne, chocolates, strawberries, I'll even leave you some porn!" She said excitedly. I respectfully declined the porn.
We pulled up at my mum's place and hurriedly got out of the car, bag in one hand, sex box in the other. Mum was there for a little while to take photos of me in my formal dress and then quickly cleared off to her partner's place.
I lay down on the bed and straight away I could tell that Dylan was putting in extra effort. I gathered it was because he knew how important formal sex was to me, and also he had broken up with me two months previously and knew he owed me. We obviously were still engaging in relations. I was quite bored as he spent extra long on the foreplay. I think that was the moment I realised that Dylan was not that great at sex. He took a few sexy photos of me, I think that was the highlight of the evening. He bit me this way and that way, tried this position, that position. Yawn.
All in all, my formal was a bit of a dud really. At least afterwards. My friend's formal however... That's a different story.

-Endrin-

Taste Testing

2008-06-20T09:50:00.000+10:00

Dylan, bless him, could not orgasm from blowjobs. Never could. Now without tooting my own horn, this was definately not because of my technique. Back when I was with Edan I made sure I researched everything I could about performing on a man to make sure I could please him more than anyone else had the next time we met, but alas it did not happen. But my new found talent did not go unwasted on Dylan. He loved recieving blowjobs, as most men do. He'd often tell me I could do things with my mouth he hadn't even dreamed of but alas, he could just not come. This didn't bother me so much, as I wasn't all that keen to recieve a load in the face, but being my first real sexual partner I was of course curious to the everlasting question...

What does it taste like?

I had experienced the taste of a woman, and I had been told that precum tasted very different to the actual ejaculation which I believed given that visibly they had different textures. Wanting to live up to "the amazing girl who does everything in bed" reputation I was trying to build for myself, I expressed this curiosity to Dylan.

"Hmm, well my ex used to get me to masturbate into her mouth." He said to me whilst driving me to the movies. I couldn't help but think the girl was slutty, what pleasure could she possibly have gotten out of that? Not wanting to be outmatched, I asked if we could do that sometime.
We pulled up in the underground parking of the shopping centre where I initially went to kiss him goodbye so I could go upstairs and meet my friends, but he pulled me back. I closed my eyes as he began to bite my neck when I heard him fumbling with his pants. He wanted to do it now. Dylan wasn't normally so daring to do things in public so I happily obliged. I curled my tongue around the head of his cock as he started to pump himself up and down. I heard him start to grunt. I was never fond of the grunt, I wish he had moaned instead. His hand stopped and I felt his body tense and I knew he was about to come. I shut my eyes tightly and clamped my lips around his head as my mouth slowly filled with his juices. It was luke warm, thick, acidic and almost felt like it was burning. I held it in my mouth like a big pill you just can't swallow. I clapped my hand over my mouth and forced it down.

Positively disgusting.

I was aware that diet had a lot to do with a man's taste, so I put a lot of it down to that. He did not taste like a healthy man. I couldn't shake the taste from my mouth, so I just held it shut and walked upstairs. I'm glad there is only one time in my life when I've had to greet my friends with:
"I just tasted come for the first time, who has a mint?"

-Endrin-

Pets.

2008-05-25T19:59:00.002+10:00

I guess you're wondering about the title of this particular entry. Firstly, I have never and will never sleep with a pet. So lets just forget that idea right now. However I am talking about pets in the bedroom. Have you ever been midfuck only to look up and see your lovers pet staring at you? It is far from a turn on, let me assure you.
Whilst its disturbing enough, I often wonder what the pet would be thinking. Do they recognise it as mating? Are we just wrestling in a play fight? Are we doing a violent act of behaviour? Is it scarring them for life like our own children walking in on their parents?
Fortunately to date I have only experienced voyeuristic pets once, and quite frankly I don't care for it to happen again. To have a pet in the bedroom or any room you plan to fool around in is almost a walkable offence. I'd rather have the guy's best mate sit down with a bag of popcorn rather than look up to see a pet cat's eyes bearing down on me. It has got to be one of the most uncomfortable feelings imaginable during sex.
So guys, please put the pussy out before you bring the pussy in.

-Endrin-

Losing My Virginity

2008-05-05T16:21:00.003+10:00

My friend Belle was right on the money. Six weeks later Dylan and I shared what was one of the most important days I had ever had in my life. It was the beginning of a tremendous journey, the beginning of the path of one of the most enjoyable things in life: It was the day I lost my virginity.
It was a Monday, the 24th of June to be precise. I was home from school, and he was away from home, at my house, in my room, on my bed. Dylan and I were laying in my bed on this cold, overcast day. We were cuddling under the blankets, naked, so we could feel each others skin. I was laying ontop of him, and we would kiss every now and then but mostly we were just staring at each other, just staring. Looking through the other, I was staring into his eyes and he was staring into mine. It was the first time (or the second) we had been fully naked together as normally he would keep his boxer shorts on. I had previously been laying next to him, his hands were wanding my body before his fingers entered me and he gradually got up to four. It was a wise thing to do given what was about to happen. Whether or not he was planning on stretching me out for sex I guess I'll never know. I sort of knew in the back of my mind that today would be the day.
As I was laying ontop of him, and we were the same height I was very concious of where on his body I was laying, so that he wasn’t touching me where it counts. I had to arch my back a little
so his dick wouldn't be near any part of my opening. It got quite painful after a while so I was slowly edging my way down, trying not to let him enter me. But eventually his cock twitched and for a brief moment his head touched my opening and we both let out a small moan. I lay there a while just staring into his eyes. I had a good hard think about it and I moved down just the tiniest bit more. He was in me but only just slightly, not even a centimetre. We were both afraid, I could see it in his eyes. Not afraid but uncertain what to do. Anxious. Nervous.
After a while of laying there, being a little uncertain of where to go from here, he was looking at me.
“I’m about to do something in a minute and if you don’t like it, or you feel uncomfortable, I want you to tell me straight away.” I nodded. I knew exactly what he was going to do, it wasn't rocket science. I was fine with it, it was time. I loved him and he loved me (well so I felt at the time) and now was the time. I wanted it, I wanted to feel that emotion. Dylan, never taking his eyes off of mine, slowly pushed himself up inside me. I gasped quietly, it felt so amazing. I could feel every centimetre that came in, being opened up physically and emotionally. He let out a small gasping noise when he entered me. He had his hands on my arms, and slowly, we started to make love. After a minute or so he stopped. “If we are going to do this, I should use protection.” I nodded. It was a little frustrating, the first fuck of my life being interupted, but I had only been on the pill a week. He slowly pulled himself out and sat up. I lay back down on my bed, and watched him. He pulled out the condom from his wallet. I watched him unwrap it, and carefully slip it on. Watching him handle the condom reminded me of what I was doing and engaging in. I was having sex. I felt just a tiny bit dirty but not in a way that made me feel bad. He looked at me and smiled gently. He asked me to lay down again, and I obliged. He lay himself down ontop of me gently and we kissed. He looked down and held himself, and slowly re-entered. I was intrigued how he had to physically hold himself and put it in. I wasn't sure if all guys did that or if it was because he was a tad small. Again I gasped. He wrapped his arms around me, he didn’t sit up off me, but lay his entire body on me, so we were as physically close as two people can be. I'm a little suprised he didn't squash me.
He went slowly, about the rythym of “1 guinea pig, 2 guinea pig..”, bad choice of words, I know. It was so intense. The closeness was amazing, I could only think of how amazing it was at the time, and how much I loved him. We stopped after a while due to the unfortunate even of him climaxing. He rested in me for a little bit. He lay down beside me, and cuddled me tighly. I was so content. After a while Dylan said “I’m guessing you still didn’t…”
“No” I smiled.
“….I’ve tried everything, I give up now!” He joked. It was good to have something like that, to break up the seriousness a little. We lay there for quite a while in each others arms. We started to kiss again, slowly he pulled me ontop of him, and eventually, he entered me again and once more we made love. I did my best, being ontop, but I had doubts I was any good, still being my first time, but pleasure wasn’t what was important, it was the closeness. It was the love that was being shared. Still we stared into each other’s eyes. “If there is anything that will make it better for you, let me know okay?” He would say. “Okay.” I felt he was asking because I wasn’t making much noise, but I couldn’t, I was too busy soaking up the feeling of actually having sex. He asked me again.
“The only thing that would make it better is this.” I stopped what I was doing and reached over towards my chest of drawers. I picked up my lighter and lit my white candle, and got up and lit my large purple one, that had never been lit before. Dylan smiled at me. I returned to him and we continued to make love. After a while, he climaxed which was good for both of us. He cleaned himself up in the bathroom, and asked me if I wanted him to flush the used condom down the toilet (and I must say, a used condom is one of the grossest things I had ever seen)
but I asked him to wrap it in tissues and put it in my bin, I didn't want a whale choking on his semen somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.
Now that that was done, we dressed ourselves and made some lunch. That’s when the pain started to kick in for me. There was no pain while we were making love, which I thought was perculiar, it was just afterwards that reeeeeally hurt. When I first got out of bed, my legs were
shaking madly, I needed Dylan to help me down the stairs, but I only really noticed the pain as such when we were in the kitchen cooking lunch. I complained like a bitch and he apoligised, but I laughed and said it didn’t matter because it didn’t. When the time came for Dylan to go home we walked into my room and I got out a pin, he kept asking me what I was doing, thinking I was going to poke him with a needle. I picked up the purple candle and I began to carve my name into it. I asked him if he minded doing the same, and he obliged quite happily. We put the candle down and I picked up the candle snuffer. Doing this with a candle was something I had wanted
to do for many years as a symbollic thing of love, it was very important to me. He put his hand over mine, and together we snuffed out the candle. I was so close to tears because I was so
happy. I collapsed into him and we cuddled. After he left, I carved in two runes meaning gift and physical love onto the candle, as well as the date. The whole experience was perfect.

That is just about word for word of what I had written down that very afternoon. I'm just about the only person I know who had that "romantic first time" experience and I am glad for it. However in hindsight I can think of a few other men I loved more to lose it to, but at the time it was perfect - regardless what I think now. Ultimately I think that's all that matters.

-Endrin-

The Decider

2008-05-02T16:11:00.000+10:00

The time I felt had come for me to decide between Dylan and Mitchell. Dylan had done the responsible thing of leaving his girlfriend before anything else happened with us. This was good as it gave me more time to assess the situation and weigh up their pros and cons. Dylan seemed to have more going for him with a job and being a university student whilst Mitchell was still in his last year of school. Dylan was a better kisser, Mitchell was quite full on with how he felt about me.

Dylan wins.

So after breaking the news to Mitchell that I saw him better as a friend, he cried for a while and a day later everything was peachy between us and we became nothing more than good friends. He didn't even seem to mind when I told him I was seeing a boy called Dylan. I of course kept the proper identity of Dylan hidden from Mitchell for a while as it would kill him to know he had lost another girl to the same man.
Within two days of mine and Dylan's coming together of boyfriend and girlfriend, friends had already started to place bets as to how long I would last before I cracked and had sex with him. One classmate said 3 weeks, Mitchell said one week, and my friend Belle said 6 weeks. I had bet that I'd last three months. Ordinarily perhaps I would have, but given I was rushed into something I had planned on waiting for, it brought the whole timeframe for intercourse forward.

Everyone was much closer to the actual date than I was...

-Endrin-

The Banana Split

2008-04-09T12:31:00.003+10:00

Later that week I decided to visit Dylan whilst he was home alone. I endured another painful guitar lesson in which I paid little attention as we both knew that wasn't what I was there for.
We eventually moved to his bedroom where we began to kiss on his king single bed. Given that he had forcefully pushed me into oral sex the previous time we were together, blowjobs were no longer an issue. Once you've done it the first time no point waiting around for the second time right? My whole life I had built myself up to be an aboslute cocktease in my mind, I was always going to be a woman in control that leaves men gasping for more as their attraction became insatiable. I felt it was time to show this to Dylan.
My belt jingled as I began to remove it from my pants. Its metal plates clicking and clanking against each other which in itself sounded like the essence of kinky forplay. Dylan, being just a boy thought I was simply removing my belt so he could get access to pants - wrong. Gently I pushed both his arms above his head, crossing his hands over each other. The light in his eyes told me his girlfriend never dared try anything like this. I began to wrap my metal belt around his wrists and entwined them around the wrort iron post in his bed. It was no easy task as the belt had no elastic, so I just tightened it as well as I could and told him to try not to move. I touched his forehead lightly and ran my fingers down his face to close his eyes. I kissed him and began to explore his body. I asked him if he had any whipped cream in the house. "Ohh I don't like whipped cream" he stated.

Moodkiller.

I asked if he had any chocolate syrup and he told me where it was. I went to the pantry and examined the sauce. Nothing says love like Cotties chocolate topping. I crept back into the room and told him to keep his eyes closed. I slowly tipped the bottle and watched the topping ooze out. It was so thick it was almost moving in slow motion. I rubbed some of it over his chest, screwed the cap back on and placed it on the floor next to the bed. I began to lick at the chocolate coated Dylan. He gasped heavily whilst I lightly sucked at his skin as a bittersweet taste of chocolate and sweat filled my mouth.
I picked up the bottle of chocolate topping once more. Again I requested he kept his eyes closed. I tugged at his pants and pulled them half way down around his thighs. For a moment I was fixated on the ugly thing that had previously been thrust into my mouth. There was something about it that looked specifically unusual, but I decided that then was not the right time to ask about it.
I dribbled the topping over the tip of his cock, watching it run down his shaft. It could have been a Cadbury commercial. Since my horrendous excuse for a handjob with Edan I had been doing a lot of research about physically pleasing a man which I was now about to put to good use for the second time. I shut my eyes tightly and snaked my tongue around his cock. The chocolate topping was secretly mostly for my benifit so I could cover up that cock taste I was not particularly fond of. As I teased his cock with my tongue, he wriggled and squrimed so much that I heard a small metal snap. We paused and looked up at my belt that had now broken into two pieces. I was annoyed, but not really suprised. It also wasn't to be the last time a man had broken a piece of restraining equipment of mine as I perform my tricky blowjob techniques.
I licked, sucked, nibbled and sucked some more until he begged me to stop. Whilst I gave him a quick rest, I returned to his kitchen and raided the freezer. I trotted back into the room with a single ice cube in my mouth. I held it in my lips as I crawled back over him and dragged the ice across his chest. This again had two benefits - the sensation of cold, and it was also cleaning up any left over stickiness from the chocolate sauce, a nifty tip I've used for many years now. I rolled the ice cube around in my mouth so it would melt and I gave one hard long suck to his cock. I sat up and looked at him with a grin on my face.
"Where did you learn to do all that?" He asked happily. I just smiled and tapped my nose.

Whilst I didn't feel as bad this time around, yet again when I got home I scrubbed my hands to rid myself of the cock smell and possibly to wash myself of what I had just done to somebody else's boyfriend.

-Endrin-

The Cheese.

2008-02-28T00:32:00.003+11:00

Within 48 hours of seeing Dylan, I was off to visit Mitchell. Given I had knocked the first one out of the way, I was geared up to give my second blowjob. I felt slutty given it was only 48 hours before hand where I had sucked off another guy, but it made it all the more exciting. You see Dylan and Mitchell already had a previous history with each other. Dylan was seeing a girl called Andrea who ended up cheating on him and eventually leaving him for Mitchell, so they already had quite a bit of rivalry. Again, this excited me. I felt so naughty being such a wanted female between men who had already fought over a girl previously, especially as one was in a relationship. It was the greatest quadrangle I could have created.
I arrived at Mitchell's and we picked up straight where we left off. I sat in what now was my favourite position of swinging one long leg over his waist and straddling him front on. It gave me the power and the prowess I needed to feed my fast growing ego. It also, it seemed, accelerated his! We kissed deeply as I tugged on his hair a little and moaned. He wasn't as good a kisser as Dylan, it was a kiss that could only be described as generic, repetitive and mechanical. I revved myself up for what I was about to do. I began to tug on his pants and slide down his body, my knees sliding off the couch onto the floor.
"Are you sure?" He said, unaware I had given out my oral virginity two days beforehand.
"Yes, I want you to be my first for this." A clear, blatant lie.
I was eye level with his fly button. As I undid it and the zipper, I could smell the aroma that was wang. It seemed stronger than Dylan's. I peeled down his briefs and my mouth dropped open - not to accept cock, but in horror. His semi erection unraveled from itself, like an uncoiling slug after it has been kicked. Gluggy strings of precum strung across his dick like a thick spiderweb and the smell was overpowering. I would've heaved if I wasn't too fixated on staring. He clearly was not a hygienic man as there seemed to be clumps of what could only described as smeared cheddar cheese (though I imagine, far less tasty) up his shaft. Given my naivety, I thought this, horrible as it was, was possibly normal. I shut my eyes tightly and shoved it in my mouth with the same expression on my face as skulling a shot of cheap vodka. It lasted probably no more than 15 seconds before I could not take it anymore and said something about me being scared so we returned to the kissing. I have no idea how he couldn't taste himself on my tongue.
When I got home I washed my mouth out about four times, and the washing of the hands resumed, scrubbing the potent cock smell off them.

It was something I knew I'd never forget and to do this day is probably one of my most told stories.

-Endrin-

My First Blowjob

2008-02-17T00:13:00.003+11:00

While I waited for Dylan to arrive at my apartment, I browsed the dvd collection. I was hoping watching a dvd would distract him from this silly infatuation he seemed to have spawned. Ordinarily I wouldn't have minded, but he had a girlfriend and I didn't want to get involved in a messy affair. I was a good girl after all. I selected my comedy flavour of the month, Detroit Rock City. How could I go wrong?
Dylan finally arrived and I offered him a drink and put on the film. I sat next to him but made sure no part of my skin was touching his, I was nervous. Throughout many times of watching the movie I noticed him glancing at me in my peripheral vision yet again. I was annoyed, intrigued, petrified and excited all at the same time. A few times I very quickly met his glance but returned my eyes to the screen. I had no idea what to do. Again I met his glance. As our eyes locked together I knew I couldn't look away this time. He leaned into kiss me and I screamed inside. My third kiss. It wasn't too bad, though he got rougher as the passion deepened. My neck started to strain so I straddled him, which retrospectively probably gave him the wrong impression. His teeth occassionally clashed with mine as his hand began to run over my body. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but it felt too late to stop. His fingers danced up my skirt and stroked my clit through my gstring. I was sitting up on my knees so the angle felt amazing. Given I had experienced manual sex with my two previous partners, I felt fairly comfortable with what he was doing. What he did next was quite suprising. He began to undo his pants and I felt thrown to the very edge of my comfort zone, dancing on it's edge. He picked up my hand and gently placed it on his cock. I gathered up my courage to look down and actually had to force back a giggle. It wasn't obscenely small, but comparatively speaking, it made Edan look like a caricature. It most definately demonstrated the "all penises come in all shapes and sizes" phrase. Looking away so I wouldn't laugh, I softly started to pull up and down his shaft. The short pulls I had to take felt so very different than the feel of Edan's 17cm cock. I held my eyes with his. If there was one thing I did know, it was that eye contact was very sexy and displayed confidence. I was absolutely terrified but I wanted him to think I was in control. He placed his hands on my shoulders, and started to push. I was now completely out of my comfort zone. This to me was skipping so many chapters, I hadn't even thought about oral sex - it was something I had planned to wait a few weeks for, until I was comfortable. I submited, and let him push, though I still wish I didn't. I was now eye level with this petruding hideous apendage which was about to be thrust into my mouth. I felt that it was too late to stop. I liked the guy, but did not think he was going to be this forceful. I believed a girls hand (or any body part for that matter) should never be moved onto a body part and that she will get there when she is ready. However my beliefs succumbed to my fear as I licked the head of his cock. Though it wasn't overpowering, there was a distinct cock taste and smell. I rolled my tongue around the head and pushed my lips down his shaft. I heard a moan and was quite pleased with myself. I thanked my stars that I had been researching sexology since Edan as I wanted to be good at everything. The learning was paying off.
After a while we realised the time and stopped. I was quietly glad for it, as I felt quite uncomfortable still. I should have stopped but it was all over and done with now, my first blowjob.
As soon as he left, I immediately brushed my teeth and scrubbed my hands. I kept smelling them, the cock smell wouldn't come off. After about four handwashes they were eventually clean. This wasn't too be the only time I had scrubbed the scent off my hands which I began to take as a sign that I wasn't comfortable with what had gone on.
I definately had a lot to think about now that I had not only given my first blowjob way prematurely, but I was now officially the other woman. Not to mention I was still curious about Mitchell's affections. It was definately something neither of them should ever know about.

-Endrin-

The Plot Thickens

2008-01-03T22:47:00.000+11:00

The next day I invited Mitchell over. Nothing too much happened, given that he knew I was still upset over Edan and I had told him I wasn't sure I wanted to move on yet. As he was leaving we were standing at the door, and he quickly lent in and gave me a kiss. I was a little flabbergasted as I wasn't really expecting it. I shut the door and had quite the smile on my face. I was half way returning up the hall when I heard the doorbell ring again. Puzzled, I opened the front door to Mitchell again.
"I realise how awkward this is right now because I just kissed you, but I left my sunglasses here." I laughed and handed them back to him, and with another peck on the lips he was gone.
Now I seemed to most definately be in quite the pickle. There was Dylan, who was much more attractive, was at uni, had a job, but also had a girlfriend... Then there was Mitchell who lived closer and really seemed to like me, and didn't have a girlfriend.
Later that day, Dylan skipped a class at uni and came over. What happened after that was a day I'd never forget.

-Endrin-

When I Met Dylan

2008-01-03T22:10:00.000+11:00

It was two months after Edan and I had broken up and I was still very depressed. I had been keeping an elastic hair tie on my wrist which I snapped (metal part right on the vein) every time I thought about him. Surprisingly it worked very well. Though with the amount of times i had to snap it I'm surprised I can still write with all the spasms it used to cause.
It was a Saturday afternoon when I anxiously awaited Dylan's arrival. Dylan was a friend of a friend from another school who got us talking over the internet. We hit it off very well at first, well before the days of Edan but we fell out of contact for about 9 months and had recently gotten back in touch. We originally were going to go on a date, but over time I had been through my issues with Edan and he was now in a six month relationship. He was coming over to teach me some guitar lessons which was very exciting.
I saw him wandering around in the apartment block next to mine, so I strolled down stairs to collect him. He was an attractive young man, 18 in his first year of university, a quality I found very attractive. He had grey eyes and a dashing big smile. Though his hair could've used some work. It was all slicked back in what I thought was a very failed attempt to look like Dracula.
He tried to teach me a few bits of songs, though I was admittedly pretty hopeless. Dad went out for the afternoon so we put on a video of a comedy gala I had taped on tv. The ads came on so Dylan picked up to the remote to fast forward them. As he put his hand back down, his pinky finger was stretched over mine. I figured it must've just been an accident and thought nothing of it. However with each ad break his hand become more and more on top of mine. On the inside I was petrified. There was a taken boy holding my hand. In my peripheral vision I could see him turn and look at me for quite a few seconds. I had no idea what to do! He was certainly attractive but he was also spoken for.
After he had gone home, I spoke to him about what had happened. He said some corny line like "well I was sitting next to such a beautiful woman, how could I not have helped myself?" I explained to him that I wasn't sure I was ready to move on but he said he would wait. I had no idea what I was in for and felt way over my head. Especially when another friend of mine, Mitchell decided to profess his interest in me. This was going to be a melodramatic few weeks...

-Endrin-

My Religion and First Break Up

2008-01-03T21:53:00.000+11:00

Again, this has been a completely unacceptable long period since my last post but I had a lot of drama I needed to deal with. Back on board this time guys :)

Not too many weeks after Edan had come to see me I noticed him becoming distant. He also spoke of discussing my religion with a co-worker and how this co-worker had told him that I was a bad person and used tools of the devil. These stupid tales of ignorance turned my boyfriend into a born again Christian, quite possibly the worst kinds of Christian. Edan claimed his friend got this information because of a dream of Edan in a white boarded house which meant he knew somebody using evil. For the record, Wicca is not evil nor any relation to the devil, nor does dreaming of a white boarded house have anything to do with Satan and his followers. I learnt this because Google is my friend. I was absolutely petrified of losing Edan, so much so that I foolishly told him I had given up my faith as a Wiccan so I could be with him. Still, he continued to be distant. I could smell a break up coming, but I wanted to leave my first relationship with my dignity so I told him it was over. I can't think of a time where I have stood up for myself and honoured myself more. I was also heartbroken. He said that it wasn't what he wanted, but it was obviously a lie. He was just too scared to do it himself. I still count it as him breaking up with me given how he was acting - the same every man does before they leave a girl. The calls are quieter, the text messages less frequent, and the poor excuse of "oh I just don't have much to say..."
I just had to beat him to it.
I now had another problem. In pretending to give up my faith, I felt like I actually had. I was very confused about what I did believe. It plagued my mind during school and I sheepishly had to ask the librarian if I could use the chapel. I got a raised eyebrow and was questioned why I wanted to go, as there had been many sightings of lesbians making out there. under my breath I said "Sir, I'm having a crisis of faith..." he quickly opened the door for myself and my friend. We lay there quietly, heads on fluffy pillows, looking at the ceiling of the school chapel. I felt very tranqil, though had no idea what I was hoping to find. I think it was the first time I had sat back and really thought about "the big picture". What did I believe anymore?
For the record, I did manage to find my faith again after a few months in the religion I truly belong to; Wicca. The moral of the story is never give up your faith, or any part of who you are for a man. To some it is a very obvious answer, to others, perhaps not. But in the end no man is worth questioning your own identity over.

-Endrin-

"The Dog" Move

2007-12-13T01:09:00.002+11:00

During an arousing make out session with Edan, as one would assume things progressed a little. He skimmed his hands across my skin and breathed slightly in my ear, sending shivers all through my body. Whenever he touched me, sexual or affectionately, I would get these tingles. Gemma would always be affectionate with me though I never got "the tingles" before. Whispering or breathing in my ear is when Edan could make my whole body shudder and I'd gasp for air.
He began to finger me, and began to move down my body. I wasn't too scared as it was something I obviously had practiced with Gemma before. His fat tongue slid over my clit and commenced what seemed like moves I was used to.
Until he did something I had never even heard of before.
I like to watch boys (or girls for that matter) as they perform oral on me, I like to meet their gaze. I've always found it kind of cute how it looks like they're just peeking over a ledge. As I watched Edan begin to suckle on my clitoris, he did the strangest thing. He held it in his mouth, and shook his head violently, like a dog with a stuffed toy. It took a lot not to laugh as he looked rediculous.

I have no idea how on earth he could have thought that would do anything for me, or anybody for that matter. It's a hard image to get out of my head and fortunately, not a move I have seen since!

-Endrin-

My First Kink

2007-09-29T00:56:00.002+10:00

During my romantic little getaway with Edan (a whole 5 minutes from my house), he had bought many scented candles including two vibrant orange scented ones on each bedside table.
I had mentioned to him previously that I am a "kinky girl" and wanted to experiment a little. Of course the beginning of any kink besides the standard fluffy handcuffs is the old candlewax and icecubes trick.
Edan was by no means an attractive man, though looking up at him he resembled Keanu Reeves which was about the extent to which he could physically turn me on. We had a lot of troubles with my lubrication. I secretly thought it was because I did find him so rediucously hideous, he had not one redeeming attractive feature. However, not being able to get wet could also have been due to the fact I had never been with a man and was very scared and excited.
During a hot and heavy make out session, he asked if I would like to play with the candles. I of course said yes. He got up and walked over to the fridge and got the ice cubes as well. I felt very naughty and wild! I told him I was quite a wuss when it came to pain so to be careful with me. He ran his fingers over my chest, his eyes boring into mine. He gently tilted the candle and about a teaspoon full dropped onto my chest. I wasn't an idiot, I know how hot candlewax is, who doesn't? But I figured maybe in the "heat of the moment" so to speak I wouldn't notice it so much. This theory of mine deemed a failure.
"Ouch!" I exclaimed. It left quite a red mark, but I still wanted to experiment. He found a way to only get a few drops on me at a time which whilst it stung, was still nice for that half a second of pain. He would alternate with the ice cubes on my chest, making me numb then dripping the candlewax over my frozen skin. At the very least, it was erotic and made me feel not so innocent in the best possible way.
His hand skipped down to my lips as he began to finger me. I was too wrapped up in kissing him to look what he was doing but before I knew it he had pushed an ice cube into my vagina.
"Too cold!" I exclaimed again. Without thinking I shot it straight back out of me, half melted. He began putting the ice cubes in his mouth which I liked, though overall I probably wasn't a huge fan of the extremes of hot and cold.
Just before he left, he was in the shower and I was staring at one of the candles. A ring of melted wax lay on the plate. Sheepishly, I took it, wrapped it carefully and placed it on my bag. I kept it for about a year on my mantlepiece and it remained the only thing physically I had to remind me of Edan.

-Endrin-

My First Boyfriend and My First Handjob

2007-09-28T01:40:00.000+10:00

First and foremost, I am VERY sorry about the massive delay in posts here. There has been some drama going on in my life where I've not really felt like writing or doing anything at all, but as always the show must go on! So here is the next entry...

Edan stayed true to his word, and three weeks after the morning we kissed, he arrived in Sydney. Every night we'd spend hours on the phone, at least 3 hours each night. I don't even remember what we'd talk about. He'd often rant about nonsense to make me laugh, or say beautiful things about me. He was definately a man who knew his way with words. He said he knew he wasn't going to get sex from me, and was not expecting it and therefore wouldn't even bring condoms! Whilst I appreciated the gesture, I thought it quite irresponsible.
So three weeks later, I hurried home from school and packed my bag for the weekend, giggling with my cousin as she helped me get ready. Being 17, I wasn't able to drive yet so she was driving me to the hotel. She dropped me off, wished me luck and told me not to have sex. I hadn't been more excited in my life. I longed to see him, to touch him. To see my boyfriend. The words I had always wanted to say and hear out a loud, "I have a boyfriend."
I approached the front desk and asked them to page his room. After what seemed like forever, the elevator doors opened and there he stood, arms outstretched. I ran over and leapt into his arms grinning. The second the elevator doors closed he pushed me up against the elevator walls and kissed me passionately. My knees started to buckle as I had told him of this fantasy nearly every night. It's a kiss I'll never forget, the first kiss from my boyfriend as my boyfriend.
The entire weekend was incredible. We did nothing but entwine with each other and kiss all day and all evening. Every touch on my skin I shuddered with pleasure, he had magic hands. Though it was our first weekend together, I let him perform oral on me. I didn't really feel slutty, as I had been doing it with Gemma previously. He never pushed or pressured me to do anything, much to my amazement. I had decided I wanted to touch his cock, I suppose out of fascination more than anything. However I refused to look at it, so I only put my hand down his boxer shorts. I guess I was kind of scared to see it. They had always seemed so frightening to me, even pictures made me squirm, and not in the pleasant way. I was amazed when I first wrapped my hands around his hard cock.
"Wow, it really is hard, isn't it!" I exclaimed. He laughed at my bemusement as I continued to touch it in fascination. I couldn't believe how hard penises got, they were like wood! Which I suppose explained the term "woody". As my long delicate fingers poked and prodded his penis, I came to a sudden realisation that I had no idea how to give a handjob. I thought about what felt good on my skin, so I slowly ran my fingertips from the base of his penis to the head. Being the open girl I was, I told him I had no idea how to give a handjob, and he said that it didn't matter and it felt nice what I was doing anyway.
I cried when I dropped him at the station and refused to blink so I could stare at him just that little bit longer...

The handjob situation made me realise that I didn't actually know a whole lot about how to be great at sex, besides the attitude which I had down pretty well. I knew how to use my femininity, but where was my technique? This is when my research began on how to be the best lover I could be. I wanted to be the girl every boy talked about years and years after being with me. I wanted to be the girl who gave the best everything.

-Endrin-

My Second Kiss

2007-08-29T00:54:00.000+10:00

Two days after my horrible first kiss, our host threw a bit of a party in mine and my friends honour as we were leaving the next evening. Our friend Edan finally was able to join our party which unfortunately, Brett was still attending. Having never met Edan in person before as we had all come from the same internet chat room, he was certainly right in that he was not easy on the eyes, however he seemed to grow on me throughout the evening - but that could also have been the alcohol. There was no doubt that he was bursting at the seems with charisma and I could barely keep myself from laughing at everything he said. He had a bit of a reputation for being quite the sleaze so I was very suprised at how gentleman-like he was being.
That evening everyone seemed to be tempting Edan with me. Our gay host shoved a VB can between my breasts and started to drink from it and laugh. I can tell you right now, having a gay man drink from between your tits can be a very confusing message that can only be answered with much girly giggles on my behalf, mostly to disguise my confusion. I amused myself by being rather affectionate to all the boys (minus Brett) and I discovered my first seductive or flirtatious move - running my fingers through a man's hair. After doing it to Edan, I ran my fingers down his spine and back up into his hair again. His eyes glazed over and he'd squirm with a dopey grin on his face. I was amused and positively enthralled by this new sense of power I had found. I even tried it on our host who proclaimed that he could be a closet heterosexual!
After more and more cans and bottles of alcohol acumulated onto the coffee table, someone decided to put Moulin Rouge on. Moulin Rouge has a combining effect on drunk people - half of them burst into song, and half of them pass out. Our host was first to go to bed, followed by my friend and finally Brett. Edan and I stayed up to talk until sunrise as we didn't know when we would get the opportunity to talk in person again. At some point I had promised him a massage, so I brought out my chocolate oil I had packed (which I never thought I actually would have gotten to use on my holiday) and began to work on his back as I straddled him. We had a good serious conversation about Gemma, who I ordinarily wouldn't talk about to anyone for fear of it getting back to parents or classmates, but I figured I was safe with people in another state. Whenever I'd speak to him I'd lean down and talk next to his ear. I'm not sure if I really knew I was flirting with him, I just know it felt...Nice. He assessed what he thought I would like in a man and it was creepy how acurate he was. It was nice to hear him talk about spooning and cuddling like a security thing rather than a sexual thing. He was just making me smile more and more. I ran a finger down his back and licked its chocolatey goodness. I toyed with the thought in my head before I said anything out loud.
"This is kind of weird, but, can I lick the oil off your back? Just so I can taste it better." I added quickly. He of course obliged, what man wouldn't? My intent was sexual, though heavily disguised at the same time. I moved my tongue sensuously, but tried not to make a big deal out of it. I guess with this was out of fear of rejection, if I wasn't being forward I could backtrack and say it wasn't meant to be sexual and I was purely savouring the fine taste of Swedish chocolate oil.
Eventually we moved to the bed and talked a little more. We started to cuddle a bit and I felt very content and safe. As I lightly brushed my nails along his skin, our host drifted out of his room looking for "owwie pills" and joined us for a bit and began to stroke Edan as well, probably a bit lower than Edan would have liked. I tried not to drift off to sleep but it got the better of me. I have no idea how much sleep I had, but I began to have this dream about Edan. We were kissing in the middle of the city and no one else was around, no people, no cars, nothing... As I floated back into consciousness I realised that Edan and I were kissing! At the same time I have this vague recollection of us being so close our lips were just touching and we moved them incredibly slowly, as if trying to disguise that it wasn't going to be a kiss. It took at least 15 minutes for us to actually kiss our lips were moving that slowly. My heart was racing, I had never planned this! When the fully fledged kisses began to happen, his hand lay on my shoulder and would lightly squeeze it at just the right moment. To this day, it is still the most passionate kiss I have ever had. It was also a struggle to stay awake, regardless of how hard my heart was trying to beat out of my chest. We stopped whenever we heard my friend stir on the other side of me, and when our host staggered out at some stage. Edan looked at me then looked away.
"That so wasn't my fault." He said with a smile.
"It wasn't mine either." I laughed. We were in the midst of yet another long embrace when the theme for Con Air began to play very loudly out of nowhere.
"What the fuck is that!" My friend exclaimed as he woke up. It was Edan's alarm clock on his phone, back when polyphonics were a new thing you see.
"It's great, every morning you wake up and feel like the president!" Edan said with a chuckle.
I could feel this very odd moisture on my leg and I quietly asked Edan if he had a wet dream, but he said that he had already checked. To this day I still wonder if he splooged on my leg, I guess I'll never know.
We all went out for a day on the town and met up with yet another of our chatroom buddies and had a great time in the city. Throughout the day, Edan continued to suprise me. I had never met anyone as outrageously outgoing as him. I think this thought came across my mind as he sang and danced very loudly down Southbank to "New York". We were sitting in Crown Casino having lunch and as everyone was engaged in conversation, Edan looked at me with a smile, but hesitated.
"Um, no...I'll talk to you about it later." I smiled, because I already knew what it was about.
Eventually it was time to pack our bags for Sydney. We all travelled to the airport bus stop together so our friends could see us off, but we were very early and all sat down for a drink. Edan glanced at me and tried again.
"I have to ask, what the fuck happened this morning?" We both started to laugh.
"I don't know! I just sort of woke up and thought 'hmm hang on.'" We chuckled a little more and decided everything was okay between us and there wasn't any awkwardness.
My friend and I boarded our bus and said our goodbyes, even though I wanted to stay. Edan promised to come up to Sydney soon, and it was a promise he kept...

-Endrin-

My First Kiss

2007-08-21T23:07:00.000+10:00

My first kiss was something I had always dreamed about, even when I was with Gemma. I often would drift off into a dream of the perfect kiss. One day I got that perfect kiss, just not with the perfect man!

When I was 17 on summer holidays, I was on a holiday down south in Melbourne, Australia with a friend of mine. To celebrate our welcome, our friend whom we were staying with threw a bit of a party and invited over someone who my friend and I were somewhat acquainted with online. We all had many drinks and were all chatting throughout the night. I had my suspicions that this acquaintance, Brett, was interested in me. As usual I shrugged it off as it was always a figment of my imagination whenever I thought a man was interested. Brett increasingly became more affectionate throughout the evening and my friend at one point suggested he was into me, but I waved at the idea modestly.
Once everyone had sobered up, our host had gone to bed and my friend was slowly drifting off to sleep himself. Brett said he was going outside for a smoke. I looked around at the dimly lit room, my friend curled up in a blanket and finally to the stars out the window. If I had any chance of getting my first kiss now would be the time. I crawled out of bed and followed Brett outside. I can't remember exactly what short conversation was exchanged. I didn't find myself particularly attracted to Brett, and I certainly wasn't a fan of smokers. I observed my surroundings. It was a cool summer night, the second, maybe third story of a block of flats looking out at the beautiful city lights on the nearby horizon of Melbourne at three or four in the morning... I looked at Brett, and he at me. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, "This is it!" I thought to myself - a moment I had waited most of my life for. The kiss itself was absolutely nothing special. All I could taste was cigerette and his tongue didn't feel right on mine, his mouth didn't open wide enough for my liking. He was very repetitive and was very dull at kissing. Within about 5 seconds (which felt like about 15 awful ones) his hand somehow slipped straight up my short shorts to try to touch me. I could not believe it! I was horrified and backed off immediately.
"I think I'll go back inside." I said with a nervous laugh and headed back indoors. Brett tried to convince me to stay in his bed with him but after that little display I very much wanted to just lay in my own bed with my friend. Much to my disgust, he kissed me goodnight. Almost shuddering, I down next to my friend on the sofa bed. Not only did I have my first kiss (or what I determined as my first kiss) but within seconds he had tried to cop a feel of my nether regions! I was disgusted and my already moderate opinion of him lowered. My friend rolled over to face me. Embarassingly, my friend had seen Brett kiss me goodnight.
"Did he make you touch his cock? Are you alright? Do you want me to kill him?" He whispered. I laughed and was glad I had a friend looking out for me.

Overall, I'd say my first kiss was the most perfect setting I could ask for, just a terrible person to have it with! The rest of my four day holiday was a nightmare because Brett refused to go home and followed my friend and I around until we left the state!

Little did I know my second kiss was soon to follow only a day or two later...

-Endrin-

Coincidence? I think not.

2007-08-13T23:09:00.000+10:00

Gemma and I, being underage, could never just walk into a sex shop and buy any old lil dildo to penetrate each other with. So we, like other young or shy women, hunted for household objects.
Now when I was younger, I remember trying to use a pen to penetrate myself with, but as I wasn't really aroused at the time, it was a very difficult task to do. However, since being with Gemma we had played around with one finger, two fingers, hell even four or five if the mood struck us right! We never bought our own lube, we didn't really need it. But of course, eventually the time came where we wanted something just that little bit more phallic.
There is a lot of things in your household that you can use to masturbate with. Popular choices seem to be hairbrush handles, toothbrushes even candles. And those are just the phallic kind! Lets not forget the wonders of showerheads and electric toothbrushes! But when Gemma and I went looking for something to play with, funnily enough we didn't even think about any of those.

Impulse deoderant cans.*

A good thickness, a good height. We'd have to heat it up by laying on it first, otherwise it was very cold. With enough time and patience we could penetrate each other with it. From what I recall, it was a bottle of "Alive". The irony. Alive is sure how I felt when I felt this large phallic object inserted into me, pretending it was attatched to my girlfriend. In the literal terms of virginity, being the breaking of the hymen, I lost my virginity to a deoderant can. Then again the hymen can break any number of ways, girls have "lots their virginity" on a horse (not the way you think you dirty perverts! The up and down action of riding can cause it to break), or during gymnastics. Nevertheless, it makes for an interesting conversation starter.
Now the funny thing about Impulse cans is that they are exactly 14cm in height which funnily enough, is the average size (according to many sources) of the male penis.

Coincidence? I think not. The makers of Impulse definately knew how to market for women.

-Endrin-

*Disclaimer: Apparently it is not good for you to masturbate heavily with a deoderant can as the bottom of it can act like a plunger as it dips in and can cause some problems. I think a few slow thrusts is okay, thay way if it does start to "pull" you would feel it, but I certainly wouldnt reccomend it for fast and hard penetration.

Thoughts on Sexuality in Early High School.

2007-08-06T01:50:00.000+10:00

After re-reading some old diaries from when I was in high school, I made a few discoveries about myself. My first one being that I was quite the cyber slut (at 12 and 13) having many boyfriends online and in role playing chatrooms, and that I thought that female masturbation was "disgusting". My entry from the 5th November, 1999 is as follows...

"I got this message on the internet (icq) saying "let's talk about sex", and I'm like "NO!" but the person turns out he just wanted to know about other people's opinions. I said "how often do you get erections?" and he said "a lot. About one every few hours" and I'm thinking "you horny little devil." I wanted to cyber but was too shy to ask. I wonder what it's like, ya know. And he said "Do girls ever manipulate themselves?" (referring to female masturbation) and I said "Only stupid ones!"
"Why are they stupid?"
"Why not have the real thing." I replied.

...

Reading this entry made me kind of sad. Sure, my sexual curiosity was healthy, but why did I think female masturbation was wrong, or for "stupid girls"? To be honest, I'm not sure I actually thought that. I vaguely remember thinking that people (or at least other girls) thought less of someone who masturbated. We all knew boys did it, but during my entire high school years I only ever remember two girls actually telling me they had masturbated. Why is it such a shameful thing for women? Why was or is it socially acceptable for men to do it but not girls? So many questions I ask myself about why masturbating as a female is such a wrong thing to do.

An entry I found from September 2001 tells the story of when I spoke to Tarryn, a premiscuous girl in my class. She told me about her "lesbian experiences" and how they were alright and other sexual encounters. As a complete virgin, her stories fascinated me yet horrified me at the same time. My thoughts were as follows...

It made me think. She was saying it was okay, and it's been hard to admit to myself, but I thought I might be the tiniest bit... Bisexual. I think it's because of that my body can't wait and I want to pash anyone. I find myself thinking about it, and with...Steph. I know its weird, whenever I think about it I stop and go "ewww" and yeah, I don't want to say anymore.

...

I remember this being such a passing thought, becuase, as I felt with Gemma later on, I was terrified as to what it could mean. A lot of it got me thinking about what they do and don't teach you in high school. They only ever tell you how it works and what ovaries and testes are, they barely cover controception but I do remember a lot of STI talk which was something. I think as a part of sex ed that kids should also be taught about masturbation and sexual preference, and how both things are healthy. Things like the media and religion dismiss masturbation and homosexuality as being "wrong" or "dirty", if there is anywhere kids would believe otherwise, its if it was taught in school. So many people could be saved so much humilliation this way and lead much more self-fullfilling sex lives in the future.

-Endrin-

My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

2007-07-31T02:28:00.000+10:00

Gemma and I had started hanging around a group of boys from another high school, some of whom I knew back from primary school seven years beforehand. Gemma would often talk about one boy in particular named Adrian. I myself had been eying off one of the boys I knew from primary school who had grown into such a handsome young man.
We often sat around and giggled about how fun it would be to go out with them both at the same time with double dates and all the rest of it. Both being very innocent however (with the exception of each other), we didn't really intend on doing anything about it.
As per usual, the boys in the group gave Gemma quite a lot of attention, where I was just looked over as "one of the boys". For me, it was comforting, yet annoying. I liked that I could fit in very easily with the guys, join in on a lot of their conversations, but at the same time I hated not being recognised as a beautiful woman, as they all saw Gemma. I got quite down at times, questioning myself if I would ever find a man to admire me as much as men admired my Gemma. I had wondered many times if I was even remotely good looking! Privately, I got a little smug sometimes as it was my girl they were all oggling. That is, until I got a phonecall from Gemma one evening.
"He asked me out!" She exclaimed. I wasn't really too sure what to say as three emotions came whooshing into me. First and foremost, I was jealous. Why hadn't any of the boys, especially Allen, the cute boy from primary school, asked me out? What made her so much better over me? I visualised her sweeping blonde hair and sparkling eyes as I drew a deep breath. Sometimes I felt that I took for granted what a beautiful amazing girl she was. My second emotion was fear. Had I lost her forever? Would she change once she had gotten a boyfriend? I had had friends in the past who had turned sour on their friends after obtaining a boyfriend. Perhaps it was because they felt a boyfriend was all they needed now and friends weren't important, or perhaps they felt it gave them an elevated status above the friends who didn't or had never had a boyfriend. My final emotion was happiness, that my best friend had gotten what she desired and deserved.
"That's great!" I replied.
"..You okay?"
"Yeah..." I trailed.
"We won't be together forever, I love you. I'll always come back." I'm not sure why, but I had believed this. Who ever believes anyone when they say they'll come back?
Gemma and Adrian had been going out a few weeks when I was over her place for a visit. Being curious about this foreign subject of boy, I was very inquisitive about him. I was also a little horrified and dissapointed in her that she had already touched his dick.
"So... Does it really get hard?" I asked curiously.
"Yeah," she nodded. "Way harder than you would think, almost like a rock!" I didn't really have much to say, I was quite bemused. We spoke some more about the wonders of boys, when she started telling me of a few problems she was having with him. Looking back, I can't remember what they were, but they were big enough for her to complain to me about them. Suddenly, the strangest thing happened. I hadn't been doing anything, other than sitting and listening, I was not flirting or gazing into her eyes, but out of nowhere, she seduced me. Somewhere in the back of my mind my conscience tugged on my sleeve saying 'wuh oh, baad idea!' but my conscience was easy enough to forget. The kisses were passionate, as though we had been seperated for months. I knew she hadn't intended on yet breaking up with her boyfriend, I knew perfectly well she was cheating on him with me, but at the same time, my god did it make me feel like an attractive girl. To be sitting in her room, doing nothing, and to then suddenly get pounced upon was a tremendous boost to my ego. Perhaps this is why women (and men too I presume) commit adultery, because somebody wants them, they want to feel passion again. It makes them feel appreciated and sexy.

Sadly, this was not the last time this happened...

-Endrin-

Busted

2007-07-24T00:03:00.001+10:00

Despite our best efforts, Gemma and I broke our rule several times. Countless times we couldn't resist and passionately expressed our love in the darkroom, and we had started to engage in activities when her family was home...

For some obscure reason, Gemma and I were sleeping on the floor on a mattress. I was pulled out of my sleep from a soft kiss placed upon my lips. I heaved open an eye to see her dazzling eyes gazing back at me wide awake. I smiled, but closed my eyes again. I could feel her hand find my hips and drag her fingertips lightly across my waist. Immediately I began to feel the tingles in my vuvla, my warning lights for the flash flood that was approaching in my crotch. Her fingers found my clit and she lightly began to move her finger in circles. I could feel a cool breeze from where the covers had been lifted back by her.
"Gem, can you put the covers over me? You know you don't have a lock on your door." I whispered. She grinned and pulled the covers over her hand as she continued to work me. Sporadically her fingers would dip down just inside my opening, sending small shudders through my lower back and thighs. I gazed into her eyes as they glistened with mischief. She pulled her quilt covers higher and began to slide down my body. A small kiss on my hips from the big quilt covered lump, barely disdinguishable becuase of the amount of covers we had over us. I felt her hand grasp my other hip and her warm breath travel over my mound. Her moist tongue slipped between my lips and I pressed my head back against the pillow. I feared to make a single sound as it was early morning and we could hear people wandering around. Her tongue rolled around my inner lips and found my succulent clitoris, when-
"-Wheres Gemma?" Her 11 year old brother threw open the door. Never in all my life had I been so terrified. I froze. My brain and guts felt like they had been vacuumed out of me in an instant. I felt Gemma freeze between my legs as well.
"She's...." I searched my mind, "Hiding!" No sooner had I said that, she had squiggled her way towards the end of the covers and popped out.
"Suprise! What do you want?" She replied to her brother.
I can't remember the conversation after that as I just became blank. I do remember that I couldn't have sex that day because I was too freaked out. For the rest of that day, we thanked god her brother was only 11 and clearly didn't have a clue as to what was really going on under her sheets. I often wonder if he has ever looked back on that moment five or six years ago and realise what had happened, or if it was just a passing memory of his late childhood. I guess I'll never know, and personally, I think I'd like to keep it that way!

-Endrin-

Dedicated Photography Students

2007-07-16T01:14:00.000+10:00

Relationships are all about boundaries. In risqué relationships, a lot of these boundaries revolve around sex and where and when it can and is appropriate to be done. Gemma and I had two strict rules about our relationship; no sex at her place while family was home, and under no circumstances - no sex at school. It's funny how often passion can overcome our sense of what is right and what can be right now.

One week later...

In year 11 after a photography class, Gemma and I stayed behind in the darkroom to make some extra prints. I love photography, I always have. I would spend endless lunchtimes or recesses frantically making test strip upon test trip, trying to get the perfect print. Photography was a real passion. As was Gemma...
Gemma was standing over near the running water tank as I slipped my print into the developer. I took a few steps towards her, bearing a massive grin. She looked at me uneasily, then smirked. I took another two steps forward, our bodies barely seperated, our lips almost meeting.
"I thought you didn't want to do anything at school?" She smiled. Witty comebacks were never my forte, so instead I abruptly pushed my lips onto hers. I could feel her almost fall apart on the spot with lust. I pressed my breasts against her chest and brushed my stomach with hers. As I locked onto her lips, I raised my hand and laid it gently on her side, dragging it lightly down to her waist. I could feel her breath on my cheek getting shorter. Instinctively I pushed my pelvis into hers, tugging at her hips. I could feel her warmth radiating from below her skirt onto me. I badly wanted to slide my hand up her thigh but held myself back. I didn't care to get busted wrist deep in my girlfriend in a Catholic school.
After what seemed like an eternity and a just a fleeting moment all in one, we parted. She gave me a wink of approval and I strutted back to the developer trays as I moved my print to the stop bath.

-Endrin-

And She Said

2007-07-09T01:27:00.000+10:00

So have you ever liked someone of the same sex? It certainly is something that sends the brain into turmoil. First you wonder how to deal with it, then you wonder if you can "fix" it because there is no way the other person would feel the same... Would they?

On one of the many phone calls to Gemma came a topic I certainly wasn't expecting.
"Remember when you said you had a crush on me?" Gemma asked. My mind went blank and my stomach spiralled out of my body like a drill.
"uhh, yeah..." I had no idea where this was going. Surely I was about to be busted. This was the end of the line, I couldn't get myself out of this. I had dug a hole so deep that China would be suprised to see me.
"Well," she sounded a little awkward. I knew she had figured out that I liked her. Scenarios of school brewed in my mind, she'd tell a friend, and they'd tell a friend, and soon the whole school would be calling me a lesbian and a dyke and nothing would ever be the same again. The tiniest ray of hope entered my mind, what if she doesn't care? What if she likes the idea of currently being a girl's crush... She liked the idea when it was told as a story of the past, why wouldn't she like it now? "I was just wondering... Do you still have that crush on me?" I paused. I had to pause. I was full of so many emotions! Still, if she had figured it out there was no point in hiding it. She was my best friend after all.
"... Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Hmm, well... I kinda have a crush on you too." My entire body froze. I wasn't expecting this. This isn't how it was planned. I wasn't supposed to like a girl, and she certainly wasn't supposed to like me back. This was not what I had planned for my teenhood a few years eariler.
"Wow, well... I'm glad I'm not the only one!" I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
"So... You like me, I like you..." Gemma trailed.
"Yeah." I affirmed. I had no idea what to say. What was I supposed to say? 'Bang up job toots, top choice!' Eugh. I waited for her response. I wondered if she felt as anxious as I did.
"So what do we do about it?" She asked. I was not prepared for this at all. I didn't want this feeling to be outed, I hadn't even thought that it would have been reciprocated!
"Well... I don't know. I mean, I like you but what about school..." I frantically started picking at my nails nervously.
"Well, we wouldn't have to tell anyone. Everyone at school would give us shit, and we definately couldn't tell our parents." She replied. It seems she knew as well as I did how doomed we would be if anyone knew about us.
"Yeah... It would definately have to be kept a strict secret. We shouldn't do anything at school, even if we are alone. It's just too risky. We can't have anyone finding out." I said. I was still trying to come to terms with what on earth was happening.
"I agree."
"So what happens if one of us meets a guy? I mean, we obviously can't be exclusive."
"Well, we could have an open arrangement. Obviously realistically things won't last forever between us, so if one of us meets a guy, we go for it." We were definately on the same wavelength. To me it didn't feel real, I don't know what it felt like. What I did know was that I still wanted a boyfriend, so I was very glad that she wouldn't get in the way of that.
"Yeah, sounds good." I replied. I still couldn't believe this was happening yet at the same time it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. "Would you like to come over tomorrow?" I asked. Somehow, regardless of how bizarre and nervewracking the conversation we just had was, everything felt normal. There wasn't one bit of awkwardness between us.
"Sure!" She replied eagerly. "I'll see you at 10."
As I hung up the phone I stared out the window, relfecting on what had just happened. I had just aquired myself a girlfriend.

-Endrin-

Coming to Terms With My Sexuality

2007-07-02T01:06:00.000+10:00

During my high school years, all I ever dreamt of was a boy to love me, to hold me, and of course to brutally pound me. Although I went to an all girls school, most of my friends had a boyfriend by year 8 and most definately by year 9. We had several school discos with our partner boy's school. I tried everything to get the boys to look at me, to ask me to dance. I wore heavy make up, I wore the most peculiar clothes that were so tight you could almost see food digesting, but still, no boy ever asked me to dance or even took a second look at me. It consumed my mind sometimes, these frequent thoughts of loneliness - when all my friends were talking about what a great kisser Ben, Harrison and Daniel were. One thing I did notice about boys is that they always seemed to hurt and break my friends' hearts. If I wasn't bitter about them enough for not giving me any attention, this certainly didn't do them any favours.
After a while, boys just irritated me. They clearly didn't like me for whatever reason, and always seemed to be pressuring my friends into sex, or cheating on them or always saying and doing the wrong thing. Boys, I convinced myself, were a complete waste of time.
In year 9 when I was 14, a new girl had arrived early in the year, Gemma. She was a very attractive girl, long blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes; deep cobalt like the depths of the ocean. She was friends with a few of my friends and soon learned about my religious beliefs of Paganism. I would often get asked about my religion, but never as much as Gemma asked me. I found it flattering in a way, that she became so fascinated. We quickly became friends, best friends in fact. We were in every class together and you would never see one of us without the other. Every night we would call each other and talk for at least 4 hours without fail.
Daydreaming is a mysterious thing. It's amazing what obscure things your imagination can come up with whilst sitting a maths test. I was thinking about Gemma and for a brief moment had this bizarre feeling. I had this momentary desire to touch her. Anywhere. Even just a lingering hug. I quickly dismissed it as I had done the previous year when I had a similar odd feeling about another female friend. This yearning, though I wasn't quite sure what it was, happened a few times. I could tell Gemma anything, and I wanted to tell her about it. But I was frightened of how she would react. I thought of a way as vague as possible to explain these peculiar thoughts.
"Haha, you know what's funny? I used to have a crush on you when you first started." I told her one night on the phone. I held my breath, terrified of what she would say.
"Really? Wow, that's pretty cool! I don't think I've had a girl have a crush on me before haha."
"Well, it was ages ago." I quickly added in case she suspected something. In case I suspected something! There was no way I could actually like a girl, is there? Of course not...
Like me, Gemma had never had a boyfriend, or even kissed a boy. This baffled me. Her long silky blonde hair, her big penetrating blue eyes, her long dancer legs... How could any boy resist her?
Yet another school disco was coming up and as usual, I didn't want to go. Why would I want to go somewhere with music I don't really like, wear clothes I'm not too comfortable in, and be ignored by over 150 boys? Still, Gemma was going so I thought I would tag along for the company. Throughout the evening I socialised with some of my other friends and as usual, was dragged by both arms to get up and dance. I hated dancing. Later on, Gemma came running up to me with a huge grin on her face. Perplexed as to what she could be so happy about on such a dull night out, I asked her why she was grinning.
"I just got my first kiss!" She squealed excitedly. I should have been excited for her, but I wasn't. My first thought for a split second was "Why aren't I happy for her?" Then straight away it hit that I was jealous. Very jealous. Immediately my mind went to its automatic reasoning, "why can't that happen to me?" but that didn't justify the jealousy somehow. What else could I possibly be jealous of? I glanced over at the boy she who had recklessly kissed my best friend. My head was swimming with emotions. I was disgusted. Men giving me another reason to hate them. How could someone just kiss someone, without properly knowing them? After just a few minutes dancing with them, what was with that! Then it hit me, I was jealous because he kissed mybest friend. My Gemma. My Gemma?!
After the disco, we went back to her place. She noticed I was a bit quiet and hadn't said much since we had gotten home.
"What's wrong? You're being pretty quiet."
"Yeah, I just can't believe you kissed that guy, I mean, you didn't even get his number." I found it a bit difficult to look her in the eye.
"Yeah well..." She trailed. "It was a really horrible kiss though! He used his teeth!" I didn't even know that was possible. How on earth would someone use their teeth to kiss! I smiled, and felt a bit better that she didn't really enjoy it. I didn't sleep very well that night at her house. I tried to fathom why I was so jealous she was kissed. I didn't care when any of my other friend's were kissed. Perhaps I was just a little possessive of my best friends. Though it seemed like more than that, much more...

-Endrin-

Introduction - Where it All Began

2007-06-25T02:33:00.000+10:00

Well, here it is. The blog I always said I'd write.

To give you some background information on me, my name is Endrin (to all of you anyway!) and I love sex. Absolutely love it. I love doing it, I love researching about it, I love how much fat it burns in my body! For as long as I have known about sex, I have been a sexual being.
I remember at a young age of about 6, my female friend said to me (during some form of mummy's and daddy's game) "do you want to have sex?". Puzzled, I asked her what it was and she replied "It's when you do sexy stuff." I assumed this just meant very passionate kissing. However a month, or even a year or two afterwards I was staying over my mum's friends house, laying awake in her daughter Skye's room. She was a few years older than me so I figured she would be apropriate to ask what sex was. She proceeded to tell me it was when a man's penis went inside a woman's vagina. I was fascinated!
My next sexual memory after that was in year 4, I would have been 9 or 10. There was a new boy in my class who I found rather attractive and remember coming home that day after school and prancing around in my large backyard proclaiming in song that I was going to have sex with him. Quite odd when I think about it. The same year (or even the one before it) I remember my best friend Anna and I locking ourselves in her room and taking off all our clothes and laying ontop of each other. Can't remember exactly what was going through my mind, though I think it was some other form of game in which we very nearly got busted.
A very odd thing happened in year 5, puberty. And having to learn about it. I went from being very curious about sex, to being very embarassed about it - at least infront of my parents. We were all going to be taught sex education and a note went home that parents could sign if they didn't want their child participating. I begged mum to sign it, I think because I was too embarassed that she'd know that I'd know about sex. I remember crying and saying "but I already know everything!" "Do you know what an orgasm is?" Mum asked. I remember having no idea, but saying "of course I do." Incidently, we never did learn about orgasms or anything about sexual pleasure during any of my sex ed years at school. I was always very good at the subject because I did have this secret yearning to know more about sex...

- Endrin -