Gemma and I had started hanging around a group of boys from another high school, some of whom I knew back from primary school seven years beforehand. Gemma would often talk about one boy in particular named Adrian. I myself had been eying off one of the boys I knew from primary school who had grown into such a handsome young man.
We often sat around and giggled about how fun it would be to go out with them both at the same time with double dates and all the rest of it. Both being very innocent however (with the exception of each other), we didn't really intend on doing anything about it.
As per usual, the boys in the group gave Gemma quite a lot of attention, where I was just looked over as "one of the boys". For me, it was comforting, yet annoying. I liked that I could fit in very easily with the guys, join in on a lot of their conversations, but at the same time I hated not being recognised as a beautiful woman, as they all saw Gemma. I got quite down at times, questioning myself if I would ever find a man to admire me as much as men admired my Gemma. I had wondered many times if I was even remotely good looking! Privately, I got a little smug sometimes as it was my girl they were all oggling. That is, until I got a phonecall from Gemma one evening.
"He asked me out!" She exclaimed. I wasn't really too sure what to say as three emotions came whooshing into me. First and foremost, I was jealous. Why hadn't any of the boys, especially Allen, the cute boy from primary school, asked me out? What made her so much better over me? I visualised her sweeping blonde hair and sparkling eyes as I drew a deep breath. Sometimes I felt that I took for granted what a beautiful amazing girl she was. My second emotion was fear. Had I lost her forever? Would she change once she had gotten a boyfriend? I had had friends in the past who had turned sour on their friends after obtaining a boyfriend. Perhaps it was because they felt a boyfriend was all they needed now and friends weren't important, or perhaps they felt it gave them an elevated status above the friends who didn't or had never had a boyfriend. My final emotion was happiness, that my best friend had gotten what she desired and deserved.
"That's great!" I replied.
"..You okay?"
"Yeah..." I trailed.
"We won't be together forever, I love you. I'll always come back." I'm not sure why, but I had believed this. Who ever believes anyone when they say they'll come back?
Gemma and Adrian had been going out a few weeks when I was over her place for a visit. Being curious about this foreign subject of boy, I was very inquisitive about him. I was also a little horrified and dissapointed in her that she had already touched his dick.
"So... Does it really get hard?" I asked curiously.
"Yeah," she nodded. "Way harder than you would think, almost like a rock!" I didn't really have much to say, I was quite bemused. We spoke some more about the wonders of boys, when she started telling me of a few problems she was having with him. Looking back, I can't remember what they were, but they were big enough for her to complain to me about them. Suddenly, the strangest thing happened. I hadn't been doing anything, other than sitting and listening, I was not flirting or gazing into her eyes, but out of nowhere, she seduced me. Somewhere in the back of my mind my conscience tugged on my sleeve saying 'wuh oh, baad idea!' but my conscience was easy enough to forget. The kisses were passionate, as though we had been seperated for months. I knew she hadn't intended on yet breaking up with her boyfriend, I knew perfectly well she was cheating on him with me, but at the same time, my god did it make me feel like an attractive girl. To be sitting in her room, doing nothing, and to then suddenly get pounced upon was a tremendous boost to my ego. Perhaps this is why women (and men too I presume) commit adultery, because somebody wants them, they want to feel passion again. It makes them feel appreciated and sexy.
Sadly, this was not the last time this happened...
-Endrin-
Tuesday, 31 July 2007
Tuesday, 24 July 2007
Busted
Despite our best efforts, Gemma and I broke our rule several times. Countless times we couldn't resist and passionately expressed our love in the darkroom, and we had started to engage in activities when her family was home...
For some obscure reason, Gemma and I were sleeping on the floor on a mattress. I was pulled out of my sleep from a soft kiss placed upon my lips. I heaved open an eye to see her dazzling eyes gazing back at me wide awake. I smiled, but closed my eyes again. I could feel her hand find my hips and drag her fingertips lightly across my waist. Immediately I began to feel the tingles in my vuvla, my warning lights for the flash flood that was approaching in my crotch. Her fingers found my clit and she lightly began to move her finger in circles. I could feel a cool breeze from where the covers had been lifted back by her.
"Gem, can you put the covers over me? You know you don't have a lock on your door." I whispered. She grinned and pulled the covers over her hand as she continued to work me. Sporadically her fingers would dip down just inside my opening, sending small shudders through my lower back and thighs. I gazed into her eyes as they glistened with mischief. She pulled her quilt covers higher and began to slide down my body. A small kiss on my hips from the big quilt covered lump, barely disdinguishable becuase of the amount of covers we had over us. I felt her hand grasp my other hip and her warm breath travel over my mound. Her moist tongue slipped between my lips and I pressed my head back against the pillow. I feared to make a single sound as it was early morning and we could hear people wandering around. Her tongue rolled around my inner lips and found my succulent clitoris, when-
"-Wheres Gemma?" Her 11 year old brother threw open the door. Never in all my life had I been so terrified. I froze. My brain and guts felt like they had been vacuumed out of me in an instant. I felt Gemma freeze between my legs as well.
"She's...." I searched my mind, "Hiding!" No sooner had I said that, she had squiggled her way towards the end of the covers and popped out.
"Suprise! What do you want?" She replied to her brother.
I can't remember the conversation after that as I just became blank. I do remember that I couldn't have sex that day because I was too freaked out. For the rest of that day, we thanked god her brother was only 11 and clearly didn't have a clue as to what was really going on under her sheets. I often wonder if he has ever looked back on that moment five or six years ago and realise what had happened, or if it was just a passing memory of his late childhood. I guess I'll never know, and personally, I think I'd like to keep it that way!
-Endrin-
For some obscure reason, Gemma and I were sleeping on the floor on a mattress. I was pulled out of my sleep from a soft kiss placed upon my lips. I heaved open an eye to see her dazzling eyes gazing back at me wide awake. I smiled, but closed my eyes again. I could feel her hand find my hips and drag her fingertips lightly across my waist. Immediately I began to feel the tingles in my vuvla, my warning lights for the flash flood that was approaching in my crotch. Her fingers found my clit and she lightly began to move her finger in circles. I could feel a cool breeze from where the covers had been lifted back by her.
"Gem, can you put the covers over me? You know you don't have a lock on your door." I whispered. She grinned and pulled the covers over her hand as she continued to work me. Sporadically her fingers would dip down just inside my opening, sending small shudders through my lower back and thighs. I gazed into her eyes as they glistened with mischief. She pulled her quilt covers higher and began to slide down my body. A small kiss on my hips from the big quilt covered lump, barely disdinguishable becuase of the amount of covers we had over us. I felt her hand grasp my other hip and her warm breath travel over my mound. Her moist tongue slipped between my lips and I pressed my head back against the pillow. I feared to make a single sound as it was early morning and we could hear people wandering around. Her tongue rolled around my inner lips and found my succulent clitoris, when-
"-Wheres Gemma?" Her 11 year old brother threw open the door. Never in all my life had I been so terrified. I froze. My brain and guts felt like they had been vacuumed out of me in an instant. I felt Gemma freeze between my legs as well.
"She's...." I searched my mind, "Hiding!" No sooner had I said that, she had squiggled her way towards the end of the covers and popped out.
"Suprise! What do you want?" She replied to her brother.
I can't remember the conversation after that as I just became blank. I do remember that I couldn't have sex that day because I was too freaked out. For the rest of that day, we thanked god her brother was only 11 and clearly didn't have a clue as to what was really going on under her sheets. I often wonder if he has ever looked back on that moment five or six years ago and realise what had happened, or if it was just a passing memory of his late childhood. I guess I'll never know, and personally, I think I'd like to keep it that way!
-Endrin-
Monday, 16 July 2007
Dedicated Photography Students
Relationships are all about boundaries. In risqué relationships, a lot of these boundaries revolve around sex and where and when it can and is appropriate to be done. Gemma and I had two strict rules about our relationship; no sex at her place while family was home, and under no circumstances - no sex at school. It's funny how often passion can overcome our sense of what is right and what can be right now.
One week later...
In year 11 after a photography class, Gemma and I stayed behind in the darkroom to make some extra prints. I love photography, I always have. I would spend endless lunchtimes or recesses frantically making test strip upon test trip, trying to get the perfect print. Photography was a real passion. As was Gemma...
Gemma was standing over near the running water tank as I slipped my print into the developer. I took a few steps towards her, bearing a massive grin. She looked at me uneasily, then smirked. I took another two steps forward, our bodies barely seperated, our lips almost meeting.
"I thought you didn't want to do anything at school?" She smiled. Witty comebacks were never my forte, so instead I abruptly pushed my lips onto hers. I could feel her almost fall apart on the spot with lust. I pressed my breasts against her chest and brushed my stomach with hers. As I locked onto her lips, I raised my hand and laid it gently on her side, dragging it lightly down to her waist. I could feel her breath on my cheek getting shorter. Instinctively I pushed my pelvis into hers, tugging at her hips. I could feel her warmth radiating from below her skirt onto me. I badly wanted to slide my hand up her thigh but held myself back. I didn't care to get busted wrist deep in my girlfriend in a Catholic school.
After what seemed like an eternity and a just a fleeting moment all in one, we parted. She gave me a wink of approval and I strutted back to the developer trays as I moved my print to the stop bath.
-Endrin-
One week later...
In year 11 after a photography class, Gemma and I stayed behind in the darkroom to make some extra prints. I love photography, I always have. I would spend endless lunchtimes or recesses frantically making test strip upon test trip, trying to get the perfect print. Photography was a real passion. As was Gemma...
Gemma was standing over near the running water tank as I slipped my print into the developer. I took a few steps towards her, bearing a massive grin. She looked at me uneasily, then smirked. I took another two steps forward, our bodies barely seperated, our lips almost meeting.
"I thought you didn't want to do anything at school?" She smiled. Witty comebacks were never my forte, so instead I abruptly pushed my lips onto hers. I could feel her almost fall apart on the spot with lust. I pressed my breasts against her chest and brushed my stomach with hers. As I locked onto her lips, I raised my hand and laid it gently on her side, dragging it lightly down to her waist. I could feel her breath on my cheek getting shorter. Instinctively I pushed my pelvis into hers, tugging at her hips. I could feel her warmth radiating from below her skirt onto me. I badly wanted to slide my hand up her thigh but held myself back. I didn't care to get busted wrist deep in my girlfriend in a Catholic school.
After what seemed like an eternity and a just a fleeting moment all in one, we parted. She gave me a wink of approval and I strutted back to the developer trays as I moved my print to the stop bath.
-Endrin-
Monday, 9 July 2007
And She Said
So have you ever liked someone of the same sex? It certainly is something that sends the brain into turmoil. First you wonder how to deal with it, then you wonder if you can "fix" it because there is no way the other person would feel the same... Would they?
On one of the many phone calls to Gemma came a topic I certainly wasn't expecting.
"Remember when you said you had a crush on me?" Gemma asked. My mind went blank and my stomach spiralled out of my body like a drill.
"uhh, yeah..." I had no idea where this was going. Surely I was about to be busted. This was the end of the line, I couldn't get myself out of this. I had dug a hole so deep that China would be suprised to see me.
"Well," she sounded a little awkward. I knew she had figured out that I liked her. Scenarios of school brewed in my mind, she'd tell a friend, and they'd tell a friend, and soon the whole school would be calling me a lesbian and a dyke and nothing would ever be the same again. The tiniest ray of hope entered my mind, what if she doesn't care? What if she likes the idea of currently being a girl's crush... She liked the idea when it was told as a story of the past, why wouldn't she like it now? "I was just wondering... Do you still have that crush on me?" I paused. I had to pause. I was full of so many emotions! Still, if she had figured it out there was no point in hiding it. She was my best friend after all.
"... Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Hmm, well... I kinda have a crush on you too." My entire body froze. I wasn't expecting this. This isn't how it was planned. I wasn't supposed to like a girl, and she certainly wasn't supposed to like me back. This was not what I had planned for my teenhood a few years eariler.
"Wow, well... I'm glad I'm not the only one!" I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
"So... You like me, I like you..." Gemma trailed.
"Yeah." I affirmed. I had no idea what to say. What was I supposed to say? 'Bang up job toots, top choice!' Eugh. I waited for her response. I wondered if she felt as anxious as I did.
"So what do we do about it?" She asked. I was not prepared for this at all. I didn't want this feeling to be outed, I hadn't even thought that it would have been reciprocated!
"Well... I don't know. I mean, I like you but what about school..." I frantically started picking at my nails nervously.
"Well, we wouldn't have to tell anyone. Everyone at school would give us shit, and we definately couldn't tell our parents." She replied. It seems she knew as well as I did how doomed we would be if anyone knew about us.
"Yeah... It would definately have to be kept a strict secret. We shouldn't do anything at school, even if we are alone. It's just too risky. We can't have anyone finding out." I said. I was still trying to come to terms with what on earth was happening.
"I agree."
"So what happens if one of us meets a guy? I mean, we obviously can't be exclusive."
"Well, we could have an open arrangement. Obviously realistically things won't last forever between us, so if one of us meets a guy, we go for it." We were definately on the same wavelength. To me it didn't feel real, I don't know what it felt like. What I did know was that I still wanted a boyfriend, so I was very glad that she wouldn't get in the way of that.
"Yeah, sounds good." I replied. I still couldn't believe this was happening yet at the same time it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. "Would you like to come over tomorrow?" I asked. Somehow, regardless of how bizarre and nervewracking the conversation we just had was, everything felt normal. There wasn't one bit of awkwardness between us.
"Sure!" She replied eagerly. "I'll see you at 10."
As I hung up the phone I stared out the window, relfecting on what had just happened. I had just aquired myself a girlfriend.
-Endrin-
On one of the many phone calls to Gemma came a topic I certainly wasn't expecting.
"Remember when you said you had a crush on me?" Gemma asked. My mind went blank and my stomach spiralled out of my body like a drill.
"uhh, yeah..." I had no idea where this was going. Surely I was about to be busted. This was the end of the line, I couldn't get myself out of this. I had dug a hole so deep that China would be suprised to see me.
"Well," she sounded a little awkward. I knew she had figured out that I liked her. Scenarios of school brewed in my mind, she'd tell a friend, and they'd tell a friend, and soon the whole school would be calling me a lesbian and a dyke and nothing would ever be the same again. The tiniest ray of hope entered my mind, what if she doesn't care? What if she likes the idea of currently being a girl's crush... She liked the idea when it was told as a story of the past, why wouldn't she like it now? "I was just wondering... Do you still have that crush on me?" I paused. I had to pause. I was full of so many emotions! Still, if she had figured it out there was no point in hiding it. She was my best friend after all.
"... Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Hmm, well... I kinda have a crush on you too." My entire body froze. I wasn't expecting this. This isn't how it was planned. I wasn't supposed to like a girl, and she certainly wasn't supposed to like me back. This was not what I had planned for my teenhood a few years eariler.
"Wow, well... I'm glad I'm not the only one!" I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
"So... You like me, I like you..." Gemma trailed.
"Yeah." I affirmed. I had no idea what to say. What was I supposed to say? 'Bang up job toots, top choice!' Eugh. I waited for her response. I wondered if she felt as anxious as I did.
"So what do we do about it?" She asked. I was not prepared for this at all. I didn't want this feeling to be outed, I hadn't even thought that it would have been reciprocated!
"Well... I don't know. I mean, I like you but what about school..." I frantically started picking at my nails nervously.
"Well, we wouldn't have to tell anyone. Everyone at school would give us shit, and we definately couldn't tell our parents." She replied. It seems she knew as well as I did how doomed we would be if anyone knew about us.
"Yeah... It would definately have to be kept a strict secret. We shouldn't do anything at school, even if we are alone. It's just too risky. We can't have anyone finding out." I said. I was still trying to come to terms with what on earth was happening.
"I agree."
"So what happens if one of us meets a guy? I mean, we obviously can't be exclusive."
"Well, we could have an open arrangement. Obviously realistically things won't last forever between us, so if one of us meets a guy, we go for it." We were definately on the same wavelength. To me it didn't feel real, I don't know what it felt like. What I did know was that I still wanted a boyfriend, so I was very glad that she wouldn't get in the way of that.
"Yeah, sounds good." I replied. I still couldn't believe this was happening yet at the same time it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. "Would you like to come over tomorrow?" I asked. Somehow, regardless of how bizarre and nervewracking the conversation we just had was, everything felt normal. There wasn't one bit of awkwardness between us.
"Sure!" She replied eagerly. "I'll see you at 10."
As I hung up the phone I stared out the window, relfecting on what had just happened. I had just aquired myself a girlfriend.
-Endrin-
Monday, 2 July 2007
Coming to Terms With My Sexuality
During my high school years, all I ever dreamt of was a boy to love me, to hold me, and of course to brutally pound me. Although I went to an all girls school, most of my friends had a boyfriend by year 8 and most definately by year 9. We had several school discos with our partner boy's school. I tried everything to get the boys to look at me, to ask me to dance. I wore heavy make up, I wore the most peculiar clothes that were so tight you could almost see food digesting, but still, no boy ever asked me to dance or even took a second look at me. It consumed my mind sometimes, these frequent thoughts of loneliness - when all my friends were talking about what a great kisser Ben, Harrison and Daniel were. One thing I did notice about boys is that they always seemed to hurt and break my friends' hearts. If I wasn't bitter about them enough for not giving me any attention, this certainly didn't do them any favours.
After a while, boys just irritated me. They clearly didn't like me for whatever reason, and always seemed to be pressuring my friends into sex, or cheating on them or always saying and doing the wrong thing. Boys, I convinced myself, were a complete waste of time.
In year 9 when I was 14, a new girl had arrived early in the year, Gemma. She was a very attractive girl, long blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes; deep cobalt like the depths of the ocean. She was friends with a few of my friends and soon learned about my religious beliefs of Paganism. I would often get asked about my religion, but never as much as Gemma asked me. I found it flattering in a way, that she became so fascinated. We quickly became friends, best friends in fact. We were in every class together and you would never see one of us without the other. Every night we would call each other and talk for at least 4 hours without fail.
Daydreaming is a mysterious thing. It's amazing what obscure things your imagination can come up with whilst sitting a maths test. I was thinking about Gemma and for a brief moment had this bizarre feeling. I had this momentary desire to touch her. Anywhere. Even just a lingering hug. I quickly dismissed it as I had done the previous year when I had a similar odd feeling about another female friend. This yearning, though I wasn't quite sure what it was, happened a few times. I could tell Gemma anything, and I wanted to tell her about it. But I was frightened of how she would react. I thought of a way as vague as possible to explain these peculiar thoughts.
"Haha, you know what's funny? I used to have a crush on you when you first started." I told her one night on the phone. I held my breath, terrified of what she would say.
"Really? Wow, that's pretty cool! I don't think I've had a girl have a crush on me before haha."
"Well, it was ages ago." I quickly added in case she suspected something. In case I suspected something! There was no way I could actually like a girl, is there? Of course not...
Like me, Gemma had never had a boyfriend, or even kissed a boy. This baffled me. Her long silky blonde hair, her big penetrating blue eyes, her long dancer legs... How could any boy resist her?
Yet another school disco was coming up and as usual, I didn't want to go. Why would I want to go somewhere with music I don't really like, wear clothes I'm not too comfortable in, and be ignored by over 150 boys? Still, Gemma was going so I thought I would tag along for the company. Throughout the evening I socialised with some of my other friends and as usual, was dragged by both arms to get up and dance. I hated dancing. Later on, Gemma came running up to me with a huge grin on her face. Perplexed as to what she could be so happy about on such a dull night out, I asked her why she was grinning.
"I just got my first kiss!" She squealed excitedly. I should have been excited for her, but I wasn't. My first thought for a split second was "Why aren't I happy for her?" Then straight away it hit that I was jealous. Very jealous. Immediately my mind went to its automatic reasoning, "why can't that happen to me?" but that didn't justify the jealousy somehow. What else could I possibly be jealous of? I glanced over at the boy she who had recklessly kissed my best friend. My head was swimming with emotions. I was disgusted. Men giving me another reason to hate them. How could someone just kiss someone, without properly knowing them? After just a few minutes dancing with them, what was with that! Then it hit me, I was jealous because he kissed mybest friend. My Gemma. My Gemma?!
After the disco, we went back to her place. She noticed I was a bit quiet and hadn't said much since we had gotten home.
"What's wrong? You're being pretty quiet."
"Yeah, I just can't believe you kissed that guy, I mean, you didn't even get his number." I found it a bit difficult to look her in the eye.
"Yeah well..." She trailed. "It was a really horrible kiss though! He used his teeth!" I didn't even know that was possible. How on earth would someone use their teeth to kiss! I smiled, and felt a bit better that she didn't really enjoy it. I didn't sleep very well that night at her house. I tried to fathom why I was so jealous she was kissed. I didn't care when any of my other friend's were kissed. Perhaps I was just a little possessive of my best friends. Though it seemed like more than that, much more...
-Endrin-
After a while, boys just irritated me. They clearly didn't like me for whatever reason, and always seemed to be pressuring my friends into sex, or cheating on them or always saying and doing the wrong thing. Boys, I convinced myself, were a complete waste of time.
In year 9 when I was 14, a new girl had arrived early in the year, Gemma. She was a very attractive girl, long blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes; deep cobalt like the depths of the ocean. She was friends with a few of my friends and soon learned about my religious beliefs of Paganism. I would often get asked about my religion, but never as much as Gemma asked me. I found it flattering in a way, that she became so fascinated. We quickly became friends, best friends in fact. We were in every class together and you would never see one of us without the other. Every night we would call each other and talk for at least 4 hours without fail.
Daydreaming is a mysterious thing. It's amazing what obscure things your imagination can come up with whilst sitting a maths test. I was thinking about Gemma and for a brief moment had this bizarre feeling. I had this momentary desire to touch her. Anywhere. Even just a lingering hug. I quickly dismissed it as I had done the previous year when I had a similar odd feeling about another female friend. This yearning, though I wasn't quite sure what it was, happened a few times. I could tell Gemma anything, and I wanted to tell her about it. But I was frightened of how she would react. I thought of a way as vague as possible to explain these peculiar thoughts.
"Haha, you know what's funny? I used to have a crush on you when you first started." I told her one night on the phone. I held my breath, terrified of what she would say.
"Really? Wow, that's pretty cool! I don't think I've had a girl have a crush on me before haha."
"Well, it was ages ago." I quickly added in case she suspected something. In case I suspected something! There was no way I could actually like a girl, is there? Of course not...
Like me, Gemma had never had a boyfriend, or even kissed a boy. This baffled me. Her long silky blonde hair, her big penetrating blue eyes, her long dancer legs... How could any boy resist her?
Yet another school disco was coming up and as usual, I didn't want to go. Why would I want to go somewhere with music I don't really like, wear clothes I'm not too comfortable in, and be ignored by over 150 boys? Still, Gemma was going so I thought I would tag along for the company. Throughout the evening I socialised with some of my other friends and as usual, was dragged by both arms to get up and dance. I hated dancing. Later on, Gemma came running up to me with a huge grin on her face. Perplexed as to what she could be so happy about on such a dull night out, I asked her why she was grinning.
"I just got my first kiss!" She squealed excitedly. I should have been excited for her, but I wasn't. My first thought for a split second was "Why aren't I happy for her?" Then straight away it hit that I was jealous. Very jealous. Immediately my mind went to its automatic reasoning, "why can't that happen to me?" but that didn't justify the jealousy somehow. What else could I possibly be jealous of? I glanced over at the boy she who had recklessly kissed my best friend. My head was swimming with emotions. I was disgusted. Men giving me another reason to hate them. How could someone just kiss someone, without properly knowing them? After just a few minutes dancing with them, what was with that! Then it hit me, I was jealous because he kissed mybest friend. My Gemma. My Gemma?!
After the disco, we went back to her place. She noticed I was a bit quiet and hadn't said much since we had gotten home.
"What's wrong? You're being pretty quiet."
"Yeah, I just can't believe you kissed that guy, I mean, you didn't even get his number." I found it a bit difficult to look her in the eye.
"Yeah well..." She trailed. "It was a really horrible kiss though! He used his teeth!" I didn't even know that was possible. How on earth would someone use their teeth to kiss! I smiled, and felt a bit better that she didn't really enjoy it. I didn't sleep very well that night at her house. I tried to fathom why I was so jealous she was kissed. I didn't care when any of my other friend's were kissed. Perhaps I was just a little possessive of my best friends. Though it seemed like more than that, much more...
-Endrin-
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