Two days after my horrible first kiss, our host threw a bit of a party in mine and my friends honour as we were leaving the next evening. Our friend Edan finally was able to join our party which unfortunately, Brett was still attending. Having never met Edan in person before as we had all come from the same internet chat room, he was certainly right in that he was not easy on the eyes, however he seemed to grow on me throughout the evening - but that could also have been the alcohol. There was no doubt that he was bursting at the seems with charisma and I could barely keep myself from laughing at everything he said. He had a bit of a reputation for being quite the sleaze so I was very suprised at how gentleman-like he was being.
That evening everyone seemed to be tempting Edan with me. Our gay host shoved a VB can between my breasts and started to drink from it and laugh. I can tell you right now, having a gay man drink from between your tits can be a very confusing message that can only be answered with much girly giggles on my behalf, mostly to disguise my confusion. I amused myself by being rather affectionate to all the boys (minus Brett) and I discovered my first seductive or flirtatious move - running my fingers through a man's hair. After doing it to Edan, I ran my fingers down his spine and back up into his hair again. His eyes glazed over and he'd squirm with a dopey grin on his face. I was amused and positively enthralled by this new sense of power I had found. I even tried it on our host who proclaimed that he could be a closet heterosexual!
After more and more cans and bottles of alcohol acumulated onto the coffee table, someone decided to put Moulin Rouge on. Moulin Rouge has a combining effect on drunk people - half of them burst into song, and half of them pass out. Our host was first to go to bed, followed by my friend and finally Brett. Edan and I stayed up to talk until sunrise as we didn't know when we would get the opportunity to talk in person again. At some point I had promised him a massage, so I brought out my chocolate oil I had packed (which I never thought I actually would have gotten to use on my holiday) and began to work on his back as I straddled him. We had a good serious conversation about Gemma, who I ordinarily wouldn't talk about to anyone for fear of it getting back to parents or classmates, but I figured I was safe with people in another state. Whenever I'd speak to him I'd lean down and talk next to his ear. I'm not sure if I really knew I was flirting with him, I just know it felt...Nice. He assessed what he thought I would like in a man and it was creepy how acurate he was. It was nice to hear him talk about spooning and cuddling like a security thing rather than a sexual thing. He was just making me smile more and more. I ran a finger down his back and licked its chocolatey goodness. I toyed with the thought in my head before I said anything out loud.
"This is kind of weird, but, can I lick the oil off your back? Just so I can taste it better." I added quickly. He of course obliged, what man wouldn't? My intent was sexual, though heavily disguised at the same time. I moved my tongue sensuously, but tried not to make a big deal out of it. I guess with this was out of fear of rejection, if I wasn't being forward I could backtrack and say it wasn't meant to be sexual and I was purely savouring the fine taste of Swedish chocolate oil.
Eventually we moved to the bed and talked a little more. We started to cuddle a bit and I felt very content and safe. As I lightly brushed my nails along his skin, our host drifted out of his room looking for "owwie pills" and joined us for a bit and began to stroke Edan as well, probably a bit lower than Edan would have liked. I tried not to drift off to sleep but it got the better of me. I have no idea how much sleep I had, but I began to have this dream about Edan. We were kissing in the middle of the city and no one else was around, no people, no cars, nothing... As I floated back into consciousness I realised that Edan and I were kissing! At the same time I have this vague recollection of us being so close our lips were just touching and we moved them incredibly slowly, as if trying to disguise that it wasn't going to be a kiss. It took at least 15 minutes for us to actually kiss our lips were moving that slowly. My heart was racing, I had never planned this! When the fully fledged kisses began to happen, his hand lay on my shoulder and would lightly squeeze it at just the right moment. To this day, it is still the most passionate kiss I have ever had. It was also a struggle to stay awake, regardless of how hard my heart was trying to beat out of my chest. We stopped whenever we heard my friend stir on the other side of me, and when our host staggered out at some stage. Edan looked at me then looked away.
"That so wasn't my fault." He said with a smile.
"It wasn't mine either." I laughed. We were in the midst of yet another long embrace when the theme for Con Air began to play very loudly out of nowhere.
"What the fuck is that!" My friend exclaimed as he woke up. It was Edan's alarm clock on his phone, back when polyphonics were a new thing you see.
"It's great, every morning you wake up and feel like the president!" Edan said with a chuckle.
I could feel this very odd moisture on my leg and I quietly asked Edan if he had a wet dream, but he said that he had already checked. To this day I still wonder if he splooged on my leg, I guess I'll never know.
We all went out for a day on the town and met up with yet another of our chatroom buddies and had a great time in the city. Throughout the day, Edan continued to suprise me. I had never met anyone as outrageously outgoing as him. I think this thought came across my mind as he sang and danced very loudly down Southbank to "New York". We were sitting in Crown Casino having lunch and as everyone was engaged in conversation, Edan looked at me with a smile, but hesitated.
"Um, no...I'll talk to you about it later." I smiled, because I already knew what it was about.
Eventually it was time to pack our bags for Sydney. We all travelled to the airport bus stop together so our friends could see us off, but we were very early and all sat down for a drink. Edan glanced at me and tried again.
"I have to ask, what the fuck happened this morning?" We both started to laugh.
"I don't know! I just sort of woke up and thought 'hmm hang on.'" We chuckled a little more and decided everything was okay between us and there wasn't any awkwardness.
My friend and I boarded our bus and said our goodbyes, even though I wanted to stay. Edan promised to come up to Sydney soon, and it was a promise he kept...
-Endrin-
Wednesday, 29 August 2007
Tuesday, 21 August 2007
My First Kiss
My first kiss was something I had always dreamed about, even when I was with Gemma. I often would drift off into a dream of the perfect kiss. One day I got that perfect kiss, just not with the perfect man!
When I was 17 on summer holidays, I was on a holiday down south in Melbourne, Australia with a friend of mine. To celebrate our welcome, our friend whom we were staying with threw a bit of a party and invited over someone who my friend and I were somewhat acquainted with online. We all had many drinks and were all chatting throughout the night. I had my suspicions that this acquaintance, Brett, was interested in me. As usual I shrugged it off as it was always a figment of my imagination whenever I thought a man was interested. Brett increasingly became more affectionate throughout the evening and my friend at one point suggested he was into me, but I waved at the idea modestly.
Once everyone had sobered up, our host had gone to bed and my friend was slowly drifting off to sleep himself. Brett said he was going outside for a smoke. I looked around at the dimly lit room, my friend curled up in a blanket and finally to the stars out the window. If I had any chance of getting my first kiss now would be the time. I crawled out of bed and followed Brett outside. I can't remember exactly what short conversation was exchanged. I didn't find myself particularly attracted to Brett, and I certainly wasn't a fan of smokers. I observed my surroundings. It was a cool summer night, the second, maybe third story of a block of flats looking out at the beautiful city lights on the nearby horizon of Melbourne at three or four in the morning... I looked at Brett, and he at me. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, "This is it!" I thought to myself - a moment I had waited most of my life for. The kiss itself was absolutely nothing special. All I could taste was cigerette and his tongue didn't feel right on mine, his mouth didn't open wide enough for my liking. He was very repetitive and was very dull at kissing. Within about 5 seconds (which felt like about 15 awful ones) his hand somehow slipped straight up my short shorts to try to touch me. I could not believe it! I was horrified and backed off immediately.
"I think I'll go back inside." I said with a nervous laugh and headed back indoors. Brett tried to convince me to stay in his bed with him but after that little display I very much wanted to just lay in my own bed with my friend. Much to my disgust, he kissed me goodnight. Almost shuddering, I down next to my friend on the sofa bed. Not only did I have my first kiss (or what I determined as my first kiss) but within seconds he had tried to cop a feel of my nether regions! I was disgusted and my already moderate opinion of him lowered. My friend rolled over to face me. Embarassingly, my friend had seen Brett kiss me goodnight.
"Did he make you touch his cock? Are you alright? Do you want me to kill him?" He whispered. I laughed and was glad I had a friend looking out for me.
Overall, I'd say my first kiss was the most perfect setting I could ask for, just a terrible person to have it with! The rest of my four day holiday was a nightmare because Brett refused to go home and followed my friend and I around until we left the state!
Little did I know my second kiss was soon to follow only a day or two later...
-Endrin-
When I was 17 on summer holidays, I was on a holiday down south in Melbourne, Australia with a friend of mine. To celebrate our welcome, our friend whom we were staying with threw a bit of a party and invited over someone who my friend and I were somewhat acquainted with online. We all had many drinks and were all chatting throughout the night. I had my suspicions that this acquaintance, Brett, was interested in me. As usual I shrugged it off as it was always a figment of my imagination whenever I thought a man was interested. Brett increasingly became more affectionate throughout the evening and my friend at one point suggested he was into me, but I waved at the idea modestly.
Once everyone had sobered up, our host had gone to bed and my friend was slowly drifting off to sleep himself. Brett said he was going outside for a smoke. I looked around at the dimly lit room, my friend curled up in a blanket and finally to the stars out the window. If I had any chance of getting my first kiss now would be the time. I crawled out of bed and followed Brett outside. I can't remember exactly what short conversation was exchanged. I didn't find myself particularly attracted to Brett, and I certainly wasn't a fan of smokers. I observed my surroundings. It was a cool summer night, the second, maybe third story of a block of flats looking out at the beautiful city lights on the nearby horizon of Melbourne at three or four in the morning... I looked at Brett, and he at me. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, "This is it!" I thought to myself - a moment I had waited most of my life for. The kiss itself was absolutely nothing special. All I could taste was cigerette and his tongue didn't feel right on mine, his mouth didn't open wide enough for my liking. He was very repetitive and was very dull at kissing. Within about 5 seconds (which felt like about 15 awful ones) his hand somehow slipped straight up my short shorts to try to touch me. I could not believe it! I was horrified and backed off immediately.
"I think I'll go back inside." I said with a nervous laugh and headed back indoors. Brett tried to convince me to stay in his bed with him but after that little display I very much wanted to just lay in my own bed with my friend. Much to my disgust, he kissed me goodnight. Almost shuddering, I down next to my friend on the sofa bed. Not only did I have my first kiss (or what I determined as my first kiss) but within seconds he had tried to cop a feel of my nether regions! I was disgusted and my already moderate opinion of him lowered. My friend rolled over to face me. Embarassingly, my friend had seen Brett kiss me goodnight.
"Did he make you touch his cock? Are you alright? Do you want me to kill him?" He whispered. I laughed and was glad I had a friend looking out for me.
Overall, I'd say my first kiss was the most perfect setting I could ask for, just a terrible person to have it with! The rest of my four day holiday was a nightmare because Brett refused to go home and followed my friend and I around until we left the state!
Little did I know my second kiss was soon to follow only a day or two later...
-Endrin-
Monday, 13 August 2007
Coincidence? I think not.
Gemma and I, being underage, could never just walk into a sex shop and buy any old lil dildo to penetrate each other with. So we, like other young or shy women, hunted for household objects.
Now when I was younger, I remember trying to use a pen to penetrate myself with, but as I wasn't really aroused at the time, it was a very difficult task to do. However, since being with Gemma we had played around with one finger, two fingers, hell even four or five if the mood struck us right! We never bought our own lube, we didn't really need it. But of course, eventually the time came where we wanted something just that little bit more phallic.
There is a lot of things in your household that you can use to masturbate with. Popular choices seem to be hairbrush handles, toothbrushes even candles. And those are just the phallic kind! Lets not forget the wonders of showerheads and electric toothbrushes! But when Gemma and I went looking for something to play with, funnily enough we didn't even think about any of those.
Impulse deoderant cans.*
A good thickness, a good height. We'd have to heat it up by laying on it first, otherwise it was very cold. With enough time and patience we could penetrate each other with it. From what I recall, it was a bottle of "Alive". The irony. Alive is sure how I felt when I felt this large phallic object inserted into me, pretending it was attatched to my girlfriend. In the literal terms of virginity, being the breaking of the hymen, I lost my virginity to a deoderant can. Then again the hymen can break any number of ways, girls have "lots their virginity" on a horse (not the way you think you dirty perverts! The up and down action of riding can cause it to break), or during gymnastics. Nevertheless, it makes for an interesting conversation starter.
Now the funny thing about Impulse cans is that they are exactly 14cm in height which funnily enough, is the average size (according to many sources) of the male penis.
Coincidence? I think not. The makers of Impulse definately knew how to market for women.
-Endrin-
*Disclaimer: Apparently it is not good for you to masturbate heavily with a deoderant can as the bottom of it can act like a plunger as it dips in and can cause some problems. I think a few slow thrusts is okay, thay way if it does start to "pull" you would feel it, but I certainly wouldnt reccomend it for fast and hard penetration.
Now when I was younger, I remember trying to use a pen to penetrate myself with, but as I wasn't really aroused at the time, it was a very difficult task to do. However, since being with Gemma we had played around with one finger, two fingers, hell even four or five if the mood struck us right! We never bought our own lube, we didn't really need it. But of course, eventually the time came where we wanted something just that little bit more phallic.
There is a lot of things in your household that you can use to masturbate with. Popular choices seem to be hairbrush handles, toothbrushes even candles. And those are just the phallic kind! Lets not forget the wonders of showerheads and electric toothbrushes! But when Gemma and I went looking for something to play with, funnily enough we didn't even think about any of those.
Impulse deoderant cans.*
A good thickness, a good height. We'd have to heat it up by laying on it first, otherwise it was very cold. With enough time and patience we could penetrate each other with it. From what I recall, it was a bottle of "Alive". The irony. Alive is sure how I felt when I felt this large phallic object inserted into me, pretending it was attatched to my girlfriend. In the literal terms of virginity, being the breaking of the hymen, I lost my virginity to a deoderant can. Then again the hymen can break any number of ways, girls have "lots their virginity" on a horse (not the way you think you dirty perverts! The up and down action of riding can cause it to break), or during gymnastics. Nevertheless, it makes for an interesting conversation starter.
Now the funny thing about Impulse cans is that they are exactly 14cm in height which funnily enough, is the average size (according to many sources) of the male penis.
Coincidence? I think not. The makers of Impulse definately knew how to market for women.
-Endrin-
*Disclaimer: Apparently it is not good for you to masturbate heavily with a deoderant can as the bottom of it can act like a plunger as it dips in and can cause some problems. I think a few slow thrusts is okay, thay way if it does start to "pull" you would feel it, but I certainly wouldnt reccomend it for fast and hard penetration.
Monday, 6 August 2007
Thoughts on Sexuality in Early High School.
After re-reading some old diaries from when I was in high school, I made a few discoveries about myself. My first one being that I was quite the cyber slut (at 12 and 13) having many boyfriends online and in role playing chatrooms, and that I thought that female masturbation was "disgusting". My entry from the 5th November, 1999 is as follows...
"I got this message on the internet (icq) saying "let's talk about sex", and I'm like "NO!" but the person turns out he just wanted to know about other people's opinions. I said "how often do you get erections?" and he said "a lot. About one every few hours" and I'm thinking "you horny little devil." I wanted to cyber but was too shy to ask. I wonder what it's like, ya know. And he said "Do girls ever manipulate themselves?" (referring to female masturbation) and I said "Only stupid ones!"
"Why are they stupid?"
"Why not have the real thing." I replied.
...
Reading this entry made me kind of sad. Sure, my sexual curiosity was healthy, but why did I think female masturbation was wrong, or for "stupid girls"? To be honest, I'm not sure I actually thought that. I vaguely remember thinking that people (or at least other girls) thought less of someone who masturbated. We all knew boys did it, but during my entire high school years I only ever remember two girls actually telling me they had masturbated. Why is it such a shameful thing for women? Why was or is it socially acceptable for men to do it but not girls? So many questions I ask myself about why masturbating as a female is such a wrong thing to do.
An entry I found from September 2001 tells the story of when I spoke to Tarryn, a premiscuous girl in my class. She told me about her "lesbian experiences" and how they were alright and other sexual encounters. As a complete virgin, her stories fascinated me yet horrified me at the same time. My thoughts were as follows...
It made me think. She was saying it was okay, and it's been hard to admit to myself, but I thought I might be the tiniest bit... Bisexual. I think it's because of that my body can't wait and I want to pash anyone. I find myself thinking about it, and with...Steph. I know its weird, whenever I think about it I stop and go "ewww" and yeah, I don't want to say anymore.
...
I remember this being such a passing thought, becuase, as I felt with Gemma later on, I was terrified as to what it could mean. A lot of it got me thinking about what they do and don't teach you in high school. They only ever tell you how it works and what ovaries and testes are, they barely cover controception but I do remember a lot of STI talk which was something. I think as a part of sex ed that kids should also be taught about masturbation and sexual preference, and how both things are healthy. Things like the media and religion dismiss masturbation and homosexuality as being "wrong" or "dirty", if there is anywhere kids would believe otherwise, its if it was taught in school. So many people could be saved so much humilliation this way and lead much more self-fullfilling sex lives in the future.
-Endrin-
"I got this message on the internet (icq) saying "let's talk about sex", and I'm like "NO!" but the person turns out he just wanted to know about other people's opinions. I said "how often do you get erections?" and he said "a lot. About one every few hours" and I'm thinking "you horny little devil." I wanted to cyber but was too shy to ask. I wonder what it's like, ya know. And he said "Do girls ever manipulate themselves?" (referring to female masturbation) and I said "Only stupid ones!"
"Why are they stupid?"
"Why not have the real thing." I replied.
...
Reading this entry made me kind of sad. Sure, my sexual curiosity was healthy, but why did I think female masturbation was wrong, or for "stupid girls"? To be honest, I'm not sure I actually thought that. I vaguely remember thinking that people (or at least other girls) thought less of someone who masturbated. We all knew boys did it, but during my entire high school years I only ever remember two girls actually telling me they had masturbated. Why is it such a shameful thing for women? Why was or is it socially acceptable for men to do it but not girls? So many questions I ask myself about why masturbating as a female is such a wrong thing to do.
An entry I found from September 2001 tells the story of when I spoke to Tarryn, a premiscuous girl in my class. She told me about her "lesbian experiences" and how they were alright and other sexual encounters. As a complete virgin, her stories fascinated me yet horrified me at the same time. My thoughts were as follows...
It made me think. She was saying it was okay, and it's been hard to admit to myself, but I thought I might be the tiniest bit... Bisexual. I think it's because of that my body can't wait and I want to pash anyone. I find myself thinking about it, and with...Steph. I know its weird, whenever I think about it I stop and go "ewww" and yeah, I don't want to say anymore.
...
I remember this being such a passing thought, becuase, as I felt with Gemma later on, I was terrified as to what it could mean. A lot of it got me thinking about what they do and don't teach you in high school. They only ever tell you how it works and what ovaries and testes are, they barely cover controception but I do remember a lot of STI talk which was something. I think as a part of sex ed that kids should also be taught about masturbation and sexual preference, and how both things are healthy. Things like the media and religion dismiss masturbation and homosexuality as being "wrong" or "dirty", if there is anywhere kids would believe otherwise, its if it was taught in school. So many people could be saved so much humilliation this way and lead much more self-fullfilling sex lives in the future.
-Endrin-
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