And She Said

So have you ever liked someone of the same sex? It certainly is something that sends the brain into turmoil. First you wonder how to deal with it, then you wonder if you can "fix" it because there is no way the other person would feel the same... Would they?

On one of the many phone calls to Gemma came a topic I certainly wasn't expecting.
"Remember when you said you had a crush on me?" Gemma asked. My mind went blank and my stomach spiralled out of my body like a drill.
"uhh, yeah..." I had no idea where this was going. Surely I was about to be busted. This was the end of the line, I couldn't get myself out of this. I had dug a hole so deep that China would be suprised to see me.
"Well," she sounded a little awkward. I knew she had figured out that I liked her. Scenarios of school brewed in my mind, she'd tell a friend, and they'd tell a friend, and soon the whole school would be calling me a lesbian and a dyke and nothing would ever be the same again. The tiniest ray of hope entered my mind, what if she doesn't care? What if she likes the idea of currently being a girl's crush... She liked the idea when it was told as a story of the past, why wouldn't she like it now? "I was just wondering... Do you still have that crush on me?" I paused. I had to pause. I was full of so many emotions! Still, if she had figured it out there was no point in hiding it. She was my best friend after all.
"... Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Hmm, well... I kinda have a crush on you too." My entire body froze. I wasn't expecting this. This isn't how it was planned. I wasn't supposed to like a girl, and she certainly wasn't supposed to like me back. This was not what I had planned for my teenhood a few years eariler.
"Wow, well... I'm glad I'm not the only one!" I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
"So... You like me, I like you..." Gemma trailed.
"Yeah." I affirmed. I had no idea what to say. What was I supposed to say? 'Bang up job toots, top choice!' Eugh. I waited for her response. I wondered if she felt as anxious as I did.
"So what do we do about it?" She asked. I was not prepared for this at all. I didn't want this feeling to be outed, I hadn't even thought that it would have been reciprocated!
"Well... I don't know. I mean, I like you but what about school..." I frantically started picking at my nails nervously.
"Well, we wouldn't have to tell anyone. Everyone at school would give us shit, and we definately couldn't tell our parents." She replied. It seems she knew as well as I did how doomed we would be if anyone knew about us.
"Yeah... It would definately have to be kept a strict secret. We shouldn't do anything at school, even if we are alone. It's just too risky. We can't have anyone finding out." I said. I was still trying to come to terms with what on earth was happening.
"I agree."
"So what happens if one of us meets a guy? I mean, we obviously can't be exclusive."
"Well, we could have an open arrangement. Obviously realistically things won't last forever between us, so if one of us meets a guy, we go for it." We were definately on the same wavelength. To me it didn't feel real, I don't know what it felt like. What I did know was that I still wanted a boyfriend, so I was very glad that she wouldn't get in the way of that.
"Yeah, sounds good." I replied. I still couldn't believe this was happening yet at the same time it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. "Would you like to come over tomorrow?" I asked. Somehow, regardless of how bizarre and nervewracking the conversation we just had was, everything felt normal. There wasn't one bit of awkwardness between us.
"Sure!" She replied eagerly. "I'll see you at 10."
As I hung up the phone I stared out the window, relfecting on what had just happened. I had just aquired myself a girlfriend.


-Endrin-